


The Flatline of a Sun

by NoHappyEnding, verynotconcise



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Dystopia, M/M, NHE Round 3, nhe, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-27 06:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17761316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding, https://archiveofourown.org/users/verynotconcise/pseuds/verynotconcise
Summary: In a world where the System dictates the lives of its citizens, Baekhyun will begin to learn what it truly means to live.





	The Flatline of a Sun

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** Self-prompt  
>  **Prompt:** “From the start, I never understood why it was that our future, the worth of our life, of our very existence, could be summed up by 3 digits.”  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Baekhyun/Chanyeol  
>  **Side character(s) (if any):** EXO, Yoora, Chanyeol’s mother  
>  **Word count:** 30.5K  
>  **Rating:** Teen and Up  
>  **Warning(s)/Additional tag(s):** -  
>  **Author's note:** i can’t believe i actually completed this fic. the idea had been rolling about in my head for more than a year, and i actually never imagined being able to write it out, i definitely didn’t think that it would turn out so differently from the original idea.
> 
> this fic is heavily inspired by one of my fav anime/manga, psychopass, and fueled to the end by the pain of the lovely, amazing 1 litre of tears ost, konayuki.
> 
> also i have so many people to thank for this coming into existence. a big thank you to the ever patient, ever supportive mods who didn’t drop the unresponsive me during every checkpoint. thank you to the bunch or supportive friends (j, l, h, m, n1, n2 & s) i have who encouraged me through the life crises, the days i wanted to ditch this idea & the weeks that i was too busy doing nothing and reminding me to get my shit together. thank you for listening to my crazy ideas & long storytelling & giving me your valuable opinions. you’re all the best. & especially you, s, for being there every time i sent you a draft and making you read it at ass o’clock.
> 
> also my friend said that i should thank my toilet as well, which i agree. so thank you to my toilet, for giving me a lot of inspiration during the long baths and time on the crapper & literally tolerating my shit.

Baekhyun stood outside the metal gates, watching students pour in while chatting loudly. Not for the first time, Baekhyun wished that he had some friends, maybe then he wouldn’t be feeling the weight of all the pressure upon his shoulders. A little distraction here and there could do him some favours, afterall. But making friends wasn’t high on his priority list, if it was there at all. Growing up was a lonely affair for Baekhyun, but it would be worth it if he could make his parents proud on the Exam.

Thunder rolled through the dark heavy clouds, which seemed to be playing a game of chase with the lighter side of the sky. Baekhyun sighed, hoping it wouldn’t rain during the paper itself. He didn’t need the sky to make things look even sadder than it already was.

Busy with his self-deprecating thoughts, Baekhyun didn’t notice a taller boy sneak up behind him until the boy jumped from behind. “Ahh!” the boy screamed into his ear, wiggling his fingers by the side of his head.

It was the first time since he was a toddler that Baekhyun nearly peed in his pants. The anxiety of the Exam, coupled with the sudden shock, gave him such a fright that he screamed equally— if not more— loudly than the taller boy. Baekhyun spun around on the heels of his feet, clutching his chest with wide eyes. Although he said that he had almost no friends, there was just one person who ever made any effort to befriend him.

“Holy shit! Park Chanyeol! What the fuck?” Baekhyun cried loudly. A few students walking past them shuffled away, throwing dirty looks at them as they did. Chanyeol either didn't notice or care, putting his hands on his hips and grinning proudly at Baekhyun.

“Good morning, Baekhyun! Why’re you standing here?”

Baekhyun frowned, “It’s still too early to go into the exam hall. I don’t like sitting inside and being even more anxious.”

“You don’t look any less anxious standing out here.”

“It’s _different_ , you wouldn’t know anyway. Did you even study for the exam?”

“Nope.” Chanyeol replied casually, popping the p. At Baekhyun’s incredulous look, he laughed airily. “What? Did you actually expect me to care about the Exam the way that you do?”

“Chanyeol, this exam is the most important thing you’ll ever sit for! It’s—”

“Going to determine your life from here on out: your job, your spouses, your house, your income and blah blah blah. Relax, Baekhyun. We've had this conversation many times already.”

“I wouldn’t need to repeat myself if you didn’t take this so lightly.” Baekhyun huffed, crossing his arms.

Chanyeol’s smile fell, look softening into a mix of sadness and fondness for his friend, “Baekhyun, whatever our results will be is already largely determined by our genes. This is just the little bit to sift out the cream of the crop. There’s not much that we can do to change that.”

“Yes, but—”

“You know, either way that it goes, you’ll never truly be a free man in the System.”

“Given a choice, I would want to be a freer man, someone with choices.” Baekhyun retaliated sharply. There was a long moment of silence between the 2 boys, Baekhyun looking defiantly at Chanyeol and Chanyeol looking back at his friend with something akin to pity.

Then Chanyeol smiled again, shrugging casually, “And this is why I have faith that you’ll do well in the exam.” he said, patting the top of Baekhyun’s head as he began to walk off, “Have some faith in your own abilities.”

Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol started to join the crowd of student walking towards the entrance of the tall building. Suddenly, his friend stopped walking, looking over his shoulder with a bright smile. “Don’t look so sad, Baekhyun! We’ll definitely meet again after this is done!” he shouted.

Then he turned back and walked forward, blending in with the crowd.

 

 

From the very start, Baekhyun never understood how the worth of one’s entire life could be determined by one colour, by a single band around their wrists.

 

 

Slender fingers picked up the metal plate at the edge of the polished table, tracing the name engraved on it. It had been 3 months since the release of the results, and Baekhyun still couldn’t fully believe that this was going to be his life from now on.

A sharp knock on the door stirred him out of his daydream. Baekhyun coughed awkwardly, putting back the nameplate on the table. “Yes? Who is it?”

The door opened slightly, allowing a sturdy looking man to step in. The man, unlike Baekhyun, looked very comfortable in his own skin. Each step he took exuded confidence, and despite the small smile on his face, his eyes showed no hint of emotion. The closer the man got, the more uncomfortable Baekhyun grew. It felt as if the man was tearing Baekhyun apart, from the clothes he wore to the kind of person he was, reading Baekhyun like an open book. Determined not to show his discomfort, Baekhyun squared his shoulders and jutted out his chin.

“Good morning, Director Byun.” the man said cooly, smile growing as he extended his hand, “I am Kim Minseok, your personal assistant. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Baekhyun knew that it was rude to stare, but he couldn’t help but try glimpse at the bare skin of the man’s wrist. After a moment, Baekhyun looked up at Minseok, who looked back at him wordlessly, as if he had expected it long ago. Baekhyun flushed, taking the man’s hand quickly to disguise his embarrassment. “I’m Byun Baekhyun, although I think that you knew that already.”

“I did. It is my job, afterall.” Minseok confirmed. Baekhyun pulled his hand away, folding his arms across his chest. “I will assist you with everything that you need, be it work-related matters or more personal ones— whatever you need.”

“Oh. That seems a bit much, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“The part about non-work related things.”

Minseok blinked in surprise, mouth parting before he pressed his lips together in a semblance of a smile. “Nothing is ever too much or too little, sir. This is the blessing given to us by the System.” for the briefest moment, Baekhyun thought that Minseok’s smile looked slightly forced, as if he didn’t believe what he was saying. But just as quickly as it came, Minseok’s smile widened and his eyes brightened and Baekhyun was left in the dust of his doubt, “I am your personal assistant. Whenever you need any help, I will be here, but if you do not require my presence, you do not have to call me either. My service is supposed to make things easier for you, afterall, not to burden you.”

There was a second’s pause before Baekhyun forced out a chuckle, starting to feel rather uncomfortable in the enigmatic man’s presence.

“Right. Okay.” Baekhyun replied. Sensing Baekhyun’s unwillingness to say anything further, Minseok nodded.

“Is there anything that I can help you with at the moment, Director?”

Baekhyun shook his head, “No. I’m fine, thanks.”

“Alright.” Minseok nodded again, “I’ll be taking my leave now. If you need anything, please do not hesitate to press ‘1’ on speed dial.” With that, Minseok left the room swiftly. Baekhyun waited for Minseok’s footsteps to fade before he leaned heavily against the table, quietly wondering what kind of man Minseok really was under that sterile smile.

 

 

Days were passing, but Baekhyun could not feel them. He couldn’t understand what was wrong in his perfect life either. He had a job that many coveted, he had a house that many people could only envy from afar, and according to the System all his compatible matches have been people with near perfect scores as well.

Yet, sitting on his love seat with a cool glass of red wine in his hand, Baekhyun could not understand the reason for his dissatisfaction. He had everything there was to want, yet there was still something lacking in his life.

He swirled the maroon liquid, watching the liquid slosh smoothly in one direction, flowing down languidly. Baekhyun stared out of the full panel window of his dark penthouse, watching the city lights flicker in an unsynchronised symphony. After a beat, he turned slightly to look at the empty loveseat next to him. It had been vacant since he moved in, and was likely to remain so in the near future.

Ah, Baekhyun thought quietly, maybe that was it. He had all this luxury, yet he was unable to enjoy it to its fullest potential alone. He could sip the richest wine and watch the city skyline everyday, but this peace he had was beginning to sour into loneliness.

Baekhyun brought the glass to his lips and sipped from it again. The taste was more bitter this time.

 

 

It started as a fascination that bloomed from boredom at first.

Working was okay. Baekhyun couldn’t say that it was tough because it _wasn’t_. All he had to do were sign finalised documents, show up to meetings and ask some sensible questions or attend important functions and smile at other important people— other perfect scorers. But other than that, there was almost nothing to do in his office.

Sure, he could leave work early. But seeing his own subordinates work overtime and skip meals to prepare for one of their many meetings made him feel bad for even thinking of leaving work early. Others were working way beyond what they should be doing, why should _he_ get to have both an easier time and shorter office hours?

But still.. Not having anything to do at work wasn’t going to change just because he loitered around.

Twirling his pen between his fingers in a clumsy fashion, Baekhyun dazed out of the window. The sun was setting noisily, with fat and thick clouds hovering around nursing it to sleep. The sky was ablaze in bright orange, and only through careful observation could one see that the fire was slowly, painstakingly being doused by the blue creeping in.

Sunsets have always mesmerised Baekhyun from when he was little. It was something so routine that people took for granted, but everyday painted different pictures. The sun, in Baekhyun’s eyes, was the most talented painter. It paints its emotions into the empty canvas that no one else could ever dream of touching, and it gives an ever changing masterpiece everyday to those who would watch it. It was overlooked, but it always came back, and Baekhyun would always be there to listen to its tale.

A sharp rap against his door pulled him back into the present. Baekhyun startled, his pen slipping from between his fingers and clattering against the polished mahogany table.

“Yes?” Baekhyun called, straightening his back as he turned around. The door opened slowly before Minseok stepped in, his blank expression clouding with curiosity.

“Director.” Minseok greeted.

Baekhyun smiled slightly, “Minseok. What brings you here?”

At this, Minseok tensed just enough for it to be noticeable, “The documents have been arranged for your meeting tomorrow.” Baekhyun nodded, silently encouraging Minseok to say whatever that brought him here. Minseok coughed once, “It’s getting late, sir.”

“Mm. You should probably head home to get some rest.”

“Right.” Minseok replied tersely, nodding. He turned around halfway and stopped, hesitating at the foot of the door before turning around again, wearing an uncharacteristically uncomfortable expression on his usually passive face. “If you don’t mind me asking, sir, aren’t you going to go home as well?”

That caught Baekhyun off guard. Minseok had never talked to him about anything outside of work before.

“A-ah, yeah.” Baekhyun laughed breathlessly, picking up his pen to close the cover, “I was just about to leave as well. I got distracted by the sunset, is all.”

“The sunset?” Minseok glanced out the window briefly, looking more puzzled than before.

“Yeah. I thought it was really beautiful today.”

Minseok’s frown deepened as he looked at the sky again, as if holding in his disagreement. At this, Baekhyun smiled— he understood that his fascination with the sky was not something that everybody would understood, and he was okay with it. Maybe there would be one day where he would find someone whom he could share this unusual passion with.

But there was something that Baekhyun wanted to ask, but never found the chance to do so.

“Minseok?”

“Yes?”

“What’s the building over there for? The one under construction?”

Minseok blinked in surprise, “It’s the new labs for our showcases, sir. It will be accessible to investors and the public during our annual founding day.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun furrowed his brows, “don’t we already have a wing for that?”

Minseok’s frown deepened, “I’m sorry?”

“I don’t know.. Doesn’t it seem kind of wasteful to construct such a big building when we don’t necessarily need it?”

Minseok pursed his lips, looking down at his shoes for a long moment before he gathered his thoughts. “I’m afraid that I don’t understand the meaning of your question, sir. Afterall, ever since the System has been implemented, wastage has been minimal— if there is any. How can it be wasteful to build something if it has been approved by the System?”

Baekhyun stilled. There was something intense in the way that Minseok was looking at him, not unkind, but not entirely friendly either. In spite of the words the man had said, there was something that felt off about it to Baekhyun, like Minseok harboured some kind of doubt in his own faith towards the System.

Baekhyun swallowed thickly, trying to give convincing smile.

“Thank you for your hard work today, Minseok. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Minseok’s gaze flickered between Baekhyun and the window again before he smiled tightly, shuffling out the opened door carefully. It was only after the soft click of the door closing that Baekhyun let out a breath he hadn’t known that he was holding. It seemed that he still wasn’t as comfortable around Minseok as he wanted to be, even after working together for a few weeks. Minseok always seemed so wary of Baekhyun, always picking his words carefully as if Baekhyun was waiting for any reason to pick a fight. There was a chasm between them that seemed insurmountable.

Baekhyun slouched against his leather chair, sinking defeatedly.

 

 

The company bar was, surprisingly, large enough to host an odd seventy or so employees with enough space for some light dancing in front of the live stage. On it, a beautiful woman dressed in a sequined dress with a split down the side of her thigh, was singing in a sultry manner. The lights were dimmed low and the smell of food from the buffet line up at the side wafted and permeated through the thick stench of alcohol in the air. Most people were standing in pairs or little groups of three or four, each holding a preferred drink in their hand as they laughed and conversed.

Funnily enough, it seemed that the guest of honour himself was anything but enjoying himself.

It was his party, yet Baekhyun sat by the counter of the bar nursing the now empty cup of what used to contain rum and coke. He sighed softly to himself as he hit edge of the glass against the table top lightly, letting his head hang heavily. At this, the bartender perked up from where he was a feet away, wiping down some freshly washed glasses.

“May I get you another drink, Director?”

Baekhyun looked up, pondering. “Maybe another rum and coke, please.” he added.

A look of surprise flashed across the man’s eyes before he turned away. Baekhyun frowned. What?

Before he could think any further about it, a voice called from behind him. “Rum and coke? That is so crass.” it drawled.

Baekhyun’s frown deepened, looking over his shoulder sharply to see a man dressed in a crisp suit smirking slightly behind him. The man sigh exasperatedly as he slid into the empty high chair next to Baekhyun, rolling his eyes at the look of irritation and confusion directed at him. “Anyone in this room can get a fucking rum and coke. What I expected was for you to get something else, something..” he waved his hand about next to his head, “better.”

“Better?”

The man’s smirk grew just as the bartender came back with Baekhyun’s drink. The man merely nodded once at the bartender, who, with wide eyes, nodded and hurried away again with a new mission.

The man nodded at Baekhyun, eyes twinkling with something that Baekhyun could not place. Something that unnerved every part of him.

The bartender came back, very carefully placing the drink in front of the mysterious man. The man waved the bartender away, never once breaking eye contact with Baekhyun.

“Dalmore 64 trinitas.” the man said as he knocked his glass against Baekhyun’s in a one-sided cheers, taking a small sip. “Not the best, but it’s enough.”

“What’s that? Scotch?”

The man clicked his tongue, “Not just any kind of scotch.” he said with disdain, purposefully bringing the cup to his mouth and taking another small sip of the dark liquid. This time, Baekhyun saw it. The sleeve of his jacket slid down to reveal a platinum bracelet around the man’s wrist.

“Who are you?” Baekhyun asked. The man smiled in approval.

“My name is Junmyeon, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Junmyeon?” Baekhyun repeated in disbelief, “I haven’t seen you in any meetings!”

“Well, obviously not, because I never attended them.”

“Why—”

The man leaned closer to Baekhyun, touching his bracelet as he spoke, “Do you know what this is, Director Byun?”

“Yes, it’s your platinum bracelet.”

“Yes.” Junmyeon said impatiently, “But do you know what this _means_ , Director Byun?”

“It means that you’re a perfect scorer.”

“Hmm, you’re right, but not completely right.” Junmyeon sighed in a patronising way. “Then let me ask you this: how much is this bracelet worth?”

“I.. don’t know. Priceless?”

“No. This bracelet is worth _nothing_ without us.” Junmyeon said, leaning forward with a scornful glint in his eyes, a growing smirk with an air of superiority around him. “A green could be wearing this, a _red_ could be wearing this platinum bracelet and it would be worth nothing. It’s because we wear it that is why it’s so highly valued. We are the ones who give meaning to the meaningless things. Don’t you ever wonder why the System still grips everyone? It’s because everyone wants to be worth more, but not everyone can achieve more.”

Baekhyun swallowed, not believing the words he was hearing. Junmyeon leaned away, patting Baekhyun’s cheek with his palm. “But _our_ lives are priceless, and consequently, so is our time.” Every word that Junmyeon was saying felt so suffocating, and the smile on his face began to look twisted under the shadow that his hair casted. It made Baekhyun feel small, and his palms began to sweat.

_“How can you get such a simple problem sum wrong?”_

“And this is why we carry ourselves with importance, Director. The clothes we wear, the food we eat, even the _dirt_ beneath our shoes are all exclusive. People envy us, they want to be with us and live like us. We’re the cream of the cream, and it’s our duty to flaunt this privilege. Do you get what I mean now? ”

_“Why can’t you be as smart as your brother? Do you want to be as invalid as a red?”_

“I.. I—”

“Director Byun,” a voice cut in— Minseok’s, “you have an urgent call.”

Junmyeon pulled away and leaned against the counter, swirling his drink. “Well, it looks like I won’t get as much time to talk to you as I wanted to. But no matter, we do have a lot of meetings together, afterall.”

Baekhyun tried to even his breathing, willing his heart to stop beating so hard. “Yes,” he gritted out, quickly hopping off the seat. “next time.”

Junmyeon smiled innocently, waving his fingers as he sipped his drink, watching Minseok lead Baekhyun out of the bar and into the privacy of his office.

Minseok busied himself with making a glass of ice water while Baekhyun sat on the leather sofa near the door, rubbing his hands together. They remained in silence until Baekhyun had finished his water, handing the glass back to Minseok.

“Who is it?” Baekhyun asked, voice quivering slightly, “The call— who is it from?”

“There was no call.”

“What?”

Minseok turned around, placing the glass in the sink as he cooly replied, “There was no call. I simply observed that whatever Director Junmyeon was saying was making you uncomfortable. As your personal assistant, all I did was to remove you from a situation that did not benefit your welfare.”

Baekhyun blinked. Only Minseok could make something so sweet sound so impersonal. “You guessed right. Thank you.” he said.

“Do you need a lift home? I could call a cab for you, if you’d like.”

Baekhyun began to shake his head, but decided that maybe he shouldn’t be driving with how distracted he is right now. “Yeah, please call a ride for me.”

“Alright. Would you like me to accompany you while you wait for your ride?”

Baekhyun smiled at this, but shook his head again. “No, it’s fine. Thank you for all your help tonight.”

Instead, Baekhyun occupied himself by watching the ongoing construction work at the other side of his office. As he stood in the open, he watched as the lights began to go off and workers began to file out of the boarded zone, each of them with sweat and dirt on their tanned skin, with singlets that looked more yellow and black than white. Baekhyun grimaced as he watched them pass around a big water bottle, everyone drinking from the same place with no sense of hygiene.

Yet, it seemed as though everyone was making sure that their colleagues had a fair share to drink. The way that they were counting heads and talking casually emitted an aura of camaraderie that Baekhyun only remembered in his early school days, before the weight of the Exam and societal pressures began to separate each of them into a hole of their own.

Just then, a tall lanky man stumbled out of the exit, causing his friends around to laugh at him and clap him on the shoulder. The man looked up at them and swatted their hands away with his dirty towel before using it to wipe down his face and neck. Baekhyun frowned. Besides the fact that the towel was obviously too dirty to be of any use anymore, there was something about the man that felt oddly familiar. Something about him that made Baekhyun want to run over and give him a hug, no matter how dirty he may be.

As he pondered, the man turned around and took the bottle, taking huge gulps of it as he stared in the distance— coincidentally at where Baekhyun was standing alone in front of his towering office building. Then something clicked, and Baekhyun gasped softly to himself. It was _Chanyeol_ , of course it was Chanyeol. How could he forget?

Chanyeol must have realised that it was Baekhyun as well, because he hastily handed over the water bottle and started to sprint towards Baekhyun. Baekhyun started towards Chanyeol, quickening his pace as he went into a jog, arms widening to greet his old friend. He could feel the smile on his face growing into a grin, heart pumping quickly.

_“And this is why we carry ourselves with importance, Director.”_

Junmyeon’s words rang in his head, causing Baekhyun to stop abruptly and drop his arms by his side, his smile falling off his face. A few seconds later, Chanyeol came to a stop in front of him, bent over and panting heavily.

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol greeted loudly, eyes narrowing into little crescents as a grin broke out on his face. “Oh my god, it’s really you! I thought I was beginning to see things!”

Baekhyun laughed. His hands itched to touch Chanyeol, to make sure that it was really his friend over there, but Baekhyun forced his hands to still. “Same goes for me, Chanyeol. I couldn’t believe that it was you. It’s been so long!”

“Yeah,” some of the initial happiness in Chanyeol’s voice faded as did his smile, “it really has.”

Not knowing how to reply, Baekhyun nodded with a polite smile. It was weird being in the company of his friend again, but not knowing what to say or how to act.

Chanyeol cleared his throat, straightening his back as he gestured awkwardly at Baekhyun. “Well, how have you been? You look— you look good. You look like you’ve been well.”

“I guess you can say that.” Baekhyun fidgeted, “Well, how about you? How have you been?”

“Me?” Chanyeol’s eyes widened, “I— I’ve been busy, I think. Pretty tired as well, but you know.” he gave Baekhyun a tight smile as he shrugged helplessly, pulling on the thin towel around his neck. As he did so, the red bracelet around Chanyeol’s wrist glimmered under the light, catching both of their attention. Embarrassed, Chanyeol looked down at Baekhyun’s wrist where his platinum bracelet was. Baekhyun immediately pulled down his sleeve, trying to cover the bracelet, but it was too late. Chanyeol’s wide eyes widened even further before he pressed his lips together.

Baekhyun opened his mouth, then closed it upon realising that there was nothing to say. As he looked at Chanyeol, _really_ looked at Chanyeol, he was beginning to see the things that he missed earlier. The sweat and dirt lining the crevices of Chanyeol’s face, the weight that Chanyeol had lost, the much darker skin his friend now had from hours of toiling under the sun. But if there was one thing that didn’t change, it was the fire in Chanyeol’s eyes, the desire to live beyond books and numbers that Baekhyun admired all those years ago.

“You really did it, huh? You managed to get the perfect score.” Chanyeol mumbled, a small smile forming, “I’m really happy for you, Baekhyun. This was what you wanted so much. You worked so hard for it, too. I’m so happy that your efforts paid off.”

Baekhyun licked his lips, thinking of what to reply Chanyeol before a horn sounded. The both of them broke eye contact, turning to look at the bus near the construction site, where workers were boarding in a single file.

“That’s my ride.” Chanyeol said sheepishly.

“Yeah, you should go.” Baekhyun agreed reluctantly. Chanyeol offered Baekhyun another smile, tinged with sadness.

“It’s really good to see you again, Baekhyun. I really missed you.”

“Yeah, I— I missed you too. It was really nice to meet you again.”

Chanyeol nodded once before turning and beginning to walk away. As Baekhyun watched Chanyeol’s retreating back, an irrational sense of fear began to fill him. What if this was the last time that he would ever see Chanyeol again? Chanyeol was the only friend he had in school, and possibly even now. He didn’t want to let go of Chanyeol yet.

It was enough that Baekhyun started to run, running faster and faster and—

“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun yelled, pulling on his friend’s hand. Chanyeol’s eyes widened as he looked over his shoulder.

“Baekhyun?”

“Chanyeol! Let’s meet again!”

“What?”

“Let’s meet for lunch. Or dinner. Or whenever it is that you can make it. I know that I’m probably not the best company to have but—”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol interrupted gently, “I’d love to catch up with you sometime. Look, I have an hour for lunch break, so how does having lunch tomorrow sound?”

Happiness bubbled in Baekhyun’s chest and for the first time that night, he allowed himself to grin like he did years ago, ignoring Junmyeon’s words. “It sounds good.”

 

 

It turned out to be surprisingly more difficult to hide yourself in a world full of cameras than Baekhyun had imagined.

To tell the truth, he had no idea why he was sneaking around _his_ own office, clutching onto the lunchbox Minseok dutifully ordered for him. If anyone saw him hiding around the corners, he was sure that there would be a million questions that they would ask but he could not answer. Well, not that there was no answer, per se, but.

But.

Baekhyun frowned inwardly, waiting behind his office where Chanyeol had told him to the previous night. For such a busy area, the back of the building was unsettlingly secluded and empty, worlds away from the reception area. There were the occasional reds who walked by, carrying their lunches and shooting Baekhyun quizzical looks, but no one that Baekhyun recognised. No one that wasn’t a red.

For some reason, Baekhyun was relieved that no one would see him meeting Chanyeol. Chanyeol was his friend, but Chanyeol was also a red. Junmyeon’s words rang in his head again, with the same condescending tone and a sneer in his voice.

Baekhyun was Chanyeol’s friend, but Chanyeol was a red. He wasn’t sure how he would explain himself to any of his colleagues who ever saw them together.

Before he could linger on that thought, Chanyeol came running from the distance. Baekhyun turned his head to the side, pushing away his worries with a welcoming smile on his face.

“I’m sorry that I’m late,” Chanyeol said in lieu of a greeting, “I got held back by my supervisor.”

Baekhyun frowned, falling into step with Chanyeol naturally. “What happened?”

“Just some..” Chanyeol fumbled around for the right words before giving up, huffing in irritation, “Just some stuff.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun looked down at his lunchbox, feeling oddly left out.

If Chanyeol noticed the change in his mood, he didn’t show it. Smiling down at Baekhyun, Chanyeol asked, “Have you ever been around here?”

“Around here? No.” Baekhyun wrinkled his nose as they passed a red, taking a nap on the ground under the shade of the trees that lined the place.

“Yeah, thought so.”

“Why’s that?”

“White collar workers don’t exactly leave the comfort of their air conditioned offices in the middle of summer.”

“I’m here aren’t I?” Baekhyun countered.

“You wouldn’t be if I hadn’t called you here.”

Baekhyun said nothing in return, because Chanyeol had a point. The only other option was for Chanyeol to enter his office, but there was no way that a red was ever going to be allowed to set foot inside. Instead, Baekhyun decided to change the topic, “Where are we going?”

Chanyeol beamed at Baekhyun, “My secret hideout.”

_Not so secret anymore_ , Baekhyun thought dryly as he stepped around an obscured corner by the edge of the building, right under the connector to the next block. Although directly under, Baekhyun observed that the place Chanyeol was settling down in was probably in a blind spot. Not bad, not bad at all. No cameras, no judgmental eyes.

“Pretty cool place,” Baekhyun commented, sitting down on a cleaner spot on the ground, “very quiet.”

Chanyeol grinned back at Baekhyun, “Right? I was lucky that a senior had shown this place to me on my first day at work. He used to love having lunch here.”

“Well, where is he now?”

Chanyeol’s smile fell off his face, replaced by a blank look accompanied by a cool shrug. “Don’t know.”

Baekhyun looked down, opting to open his lunchbox instead of pushing the subject. Chanyeol was never a good liar, but Baekhyun didn’t want to be an asshole if Chanyeol didn’t want to talk about it any further.

Chanyeol’s mood left as quickly as it came, as he followed Baekhyun in unpacking his lunch. With a wave of curiosity washing over him, Baekhyun couldn’t help but glance over at his friend’s meal. It wasn’t like he was trying to compare the difference in their meals, but he couldn’t help but wonder what reds get to eat. Growing up, he noted minor differences in his classmate’s packed lunches, but asking was always a sensitive topic that he learnt never to approach.

However, Chanyeol caught his curious stare with his own surprised one. Baekhyun pulled away, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment.

“A-Ah, I just— I was wondering what you were having for lunch.”

Chanyeol looked between his food and Baekhyun before pushing his lunchbox towards his friend.

“It isn’t much since I didn’t have time to cook a lot last night, but there’s beans and stir fried vegetables. Want some?”

Baekhyun tried to keep his expression neutral, but the longer he looked at Chanyeol’s meal, the harder it became to mask his opinion. The vegetables were small in portion, pushed to the corner of the small box to accommodate the rice that was clumsily shoved into the box. Baekhyun felt his stomach churn, pursing his lips.

“It’s okay, I’m good.” he finally said.

Chanyeol shrugged a shoulder, “Okay.” then he looked up with renewed interest, nodding towards Baekhyun’s box, “What did you bring?”

Baekhyun fidgeted, wiggling away in discomfort. The box that lay in his lap suddenly felt like a tonne of bricks.

“Um,” Baekhyun licked his lips, shifting so that Chanyeol could take a look because there wasn’t a way to avoid the situation without hurting anyone’s feelings. “some rice and meat.”

He tried to downplay it, but he saw the way that Chanyeol’s eyes lit up at the spread of chicken and prawns, with fresh salad on the side, and he knew at that moment how rarely Chanyeol ever saw such food.

“Wow,” Chanyeol exclaimed, eyes bulging, “that’s a damn lot of food! Do you ever finish all of that in one sitting?”

“Not always.”

“So what do you do with the leftovers? Do you keep them for dinner?”

Baekhyun looked down, chewing on his lower lip before admitting in a small voice, “No. I usually— I don’t keep it.”

“Oh.” Chanyeol moved back, trying to keep the disapproval off his face but failing. After a beat, a strange smile formed on his lips, caught between a grimace and a wry smile, “Thought that this system was meant to reduce wastage.”

Baekhyun stared, Chanyeol chuckled humourlessly.

“Never mind.” Chanyeol mumbled, picking at his food.

Baekhyun looked down at his food, picking up his chopsticks although his appetite had more or less disappeared. Looking at the vibrant colours of his food, prepared especially to his own liking, suddenly made him queasy. Was it the shame of taking for granted what others could only dream of having? Was it the shame of disappointing someone else? Baekhyun’s stomach twisted itself into knots as Chanyeol continued to eat his food without any further comment.

Baekhyun turned, facing Chanyeol as he pushed his box outwards. Chanyeol looked up, shooting Baekhyun a look.

“Do you want some?”

“What?”

“I mean, I’m probably not going to be able to finish it all anyway, so you might as well have some of it.”

Chanyeol raised a skeptical brow, “Is this out of pity?”

“No.” Baekhyun flushed, breaking eye contact, because yes, this was kind of out of pity, but it wasn’t entirely. “I just—”

“Feel bad?” Chanyeol sighed, putting away his food, “Come on, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about it. I just thought that The System that is so highly praised would ensure absolutely zero waste, you know?”

“Yeah, I do. But the thing is— I never realised that this was also a form of waste. Not until you reminded me.”

Chanyeol’s expression softened. “I wasn’t pointing fingers. But, you’re right, there are lots of people who would want to eat whatever you can’t finish— people like me.” Chanyeol reached over, plucking a prawn fritter right out of Baekhyun’s box and popping it into his mouth, smiling like the cat that got the cream.

Baekhyun blinked once at Chanyeol.

“You offered.” Chanyeol pointed out.

“Did you just—” Baekhyun straightened his back, “you’re incorrigible, you know that?”

“No, I’m hungry.”

Baekhyun huffed out annoyedly, picking up his chopsticks to shove his food into Chanyeol’s container. “If you’re going to be picking food from me, don’t go and take only one of it. Jeez. As if a small prawn is gonna fill you up.”

Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun continued to pour his rice and chicken cutlet into his box, balancing precariously on his thigh.

“You’re giving me half of your lunch, Baekhyun. I don’t think you should be giving me this much to eat, you’ll go hungry for the rest of the day.”

“But so will you, if all you eat is that.”

Chanyeol closed his mouth, searching for something on Baekhyun’s face.

“You really don’t have to do this for me, you know?”

“I know.” Baekhyun offered a small smile, “But I want to.”

Chanyeol returned the smile, although it looked like it pained him slightly. He didn’t say anything more about the pile of food on his box, though, and Baekhyun counted it as a win.

That day, he made a note to request for extra servings of rice and meat the next time that Minseok ordered his lunch. If Minseok raised his brows at the sudden request, Baekhyun ignored it, and Minseok said nothing else about that.

 

 

Late messages pertaining to work were the bane of Baekhyun’s existence. He absolutely loathed them. The entire day you could be doing nothing, waiting for something to happen, and then when you’re finally able to go home work comes knocking at your doorstep.

Baekhyun cursed under his breath, glaring at his monitor for a minute before relenting with a resigned sigh. He might as well see what it was about anyway. For all he knew, it could be something completely unrelated to him that he was included in only for the sake of it.

He clicked it with a bit of trepidation, though. Better to expect to be disappointed than to actually _be_ disappointed.

And, well.

Baekhyun scooted closer to the screen, eyes narrowing as he scrutinised the picture in the document attached. It took a bit of effort, but there was no forgetting this place.

“Hey. I—” Baekhyun brought his face closer to the screen, heart sinking as he glimpsed through the long paragraphs, “I know this place.”

_“When can we go skygazing again?”_

_His brother gave him a smile filled with regret, “I’m sorry, Baekhyun. I really need to study for the exam. But you know, maybe after the exam is over and done with, maybe then we could go.”_

Minseok look up from the side of the table and leaned over, taking a quick look of the image before he offered Baekhyun a limp smile, gathering the other discarded files into his arm. “I know it too—” he chimed in, smile turning fond now, “It’s one of the rare places left untouched by the System for this long, considering its proximity to the city.”

“Yeah, yeah. There’s not many big areas of almost endless grass now. I’m actually a bit sad that they’re turning it into a manufacturing port.”

“Well, there’s no helping it, isn’t it?” Minseok mused, “We are a no waste society, and apparently leisure is now included as waste.”

Baekhyun looked up sharply. Was he mistaken? Did he mishear what Minseok had said earlier? For a second, it sounded like Minseok was taking a jab at the System, but it couldn’t be, right? The same Minseok who always proclaimed to believe in the System, making a sarcastic remark about it?

Baekhyun opened his mouth with the intention of asking Minseok to repeat himself. However, with a knowing smile, Minseok waved a hand, walking out of the room. “I’ll see you tomorrow, sir.”

The door shut belatedly, the sound of it echoing shortly in the noiseless room. But the feeling of strangeness still hung around Baekhyun awhile longer than he would like. Trying to shake it off, Baekhyun turned his attention back to the screen, looking nostalgically at the pictures. There was a strong urge in him, a need, to visit that place again. He wanted to go back and see the same place again, the place he had longed to revisit during his childhood, only now as an adult. There were too many fond memories and feelings attached to the place to let it go without standing in the same place and feeling it again.

The one place he dreamed of revisiting with his brother, the one place he never went back to.

Just as he was beginning to wallow in his feelings, something bright reflected off the unscratched monitor. Baekhyun spun his seat around, looking over his shoulder at the building under construction opposite to him.

The one place he dreamed of revisiting with his brother, but maybe this time he could go back with someone else.

“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun yelled, waving his arms from the shelter under his office. He watched as the taller man looked briefly at him once, and _then_ again with wide eyes. Baekhyun laughed to himself, Chanyeol truly wore his emotions on his sleeve.

“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol called, his footsteps breaking into a small sprint. “What’re you doing here?”

“How do you feel about doing something with me tonight?” Baekhyun asked. He had never been a fan of beating around the bush anyway.

Chanyeol’s wide eyes became impossibly bigger. For a second, Baekhyun wondered if there were physical limits to how much Chanyeol could widen his eyes.

“Tonight? Like right now?”

“No, tonight like tomorrow.” Baekhyun said seriously, “Of course I mean right now.”

“Jesus, Baekhyun, I was checking. It’s a bit sudden, don’t you think? I mean, I’ve gotta go back and bathe, I have work tomorrow too and—”

“Oh, come on, Chanyeol. When was the last time that you did something as spontaneous as this? When was the last time that you decided to fuck it, and _go_?”

“Chanyeol!”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol turned around, looking at where the deep voice came from. Chanyeol squinted against the harsh headlights of the bus, where a short man was cupping his hands to his mouth. The man stood a distance in front of the bus and with the light shining from behind him, Baekhyun could only see the dark silhouette in the evening sky, his shadow splitting the ground into half where he stood. “Chanyeol! Are you coming or what?”

Baekhyun could see the dilemma reflected clearly on Chanyeol’s face; the way he scrunched his nose, the deepening line between his brows, the way his lips were pressed into a thin line, the way his gaze flittered between his friend and Baekhyun. He looked so focused on his thoughts, so nervous that it amused Baekhyun. Chanyeol was like a child asked which parents he loved better, and it endeared him to Baekhyun so much more. A thought came to him that he could try bribing Chanyeol over to his side, but before Baekhyun delved deeper into the thought, Chanyeol growled under his breath, glaring weakly at Baekhyun.

“You are such a bad influence.”

Baekhyun allowed himself to beam at Chanyeol, repressing the urge to pump a fist in the air and yell. Maybe _he_ was the child between them.

“Don’t wait up for me, Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol yelled as Baekhyun tugged on Chanyeol’s arm, pulling him in the direction of the carpark. Kyungsoo threw his arms up, shaking his head in disapproval.

“Make sure you get your ass to work tomorrow!” he yelled at Chanyeol’s retreating back fruitlessly, sighing in frustration. Baekhyun giggled inwardly, looking back at Chanyeol with a tiny smirk that he wouldn’t admit came from the smugness of being chosen.

“Make sure you get your ass to work tomorrow.” Baekhyun repeated to Chanyeol.

“ _You_ shut up.” Chanyeol retorted, “This is all your fault.”

Baekhyun shrugged it off, tapping his bracelet against the scanner before opening the door, throwing himself in the driver’s seat. Chanyeol climbed into the vehicle after him, almost stumbling with those long limbs of his.

“So.” Baekhyun cleared his throat as he pulled on his seatbelt with ease. Chanyeol perked up, looking at Baekhyun while he pulled on his seatbelt with more difficulty, waiting for Baekhyun to finish his sentence. The engine revved to life not a second later, like another person encouraging Baekhyun to complete his sentence. “So, who was that?” Baekhyun said at last.

“Who was who?”

“That guy you were talking to. Short, bald guy,” Baekhyun described, cocking his head to the side.

“Oh, _oh_.” realisation crept into Chanyeol’s voice, “Okay, first of all, _Kyungsoo_ shaved his head like, a week ago, because summer is coming soon and he doesn’t want to sweat buckets at work. Also, he says it saves him shampoo and bathing time, so there’s that.”

Baekhyun hummed in acknowledgement.

“Secondly, Kyungsoo isn’t _that_ short. In fact, I think he’s actually around your height, you know.”

Baekhyun shot Chanyeol a scandalised look. “Take that back.”

Chanyeol shrugged. “It is what it is.”

A large truck drove by them dangerously as Baekhyun pulled into the freeway, tilting at an angle enough to make Baekhyun wonder if it might overturn.

“Anyway,” Chanyeol continued as he eyed the truck with worry, “Kyungsoo’s my bunkmate. We sleep together— on the same bed, I mean.” he added quickly.

“There was an opportunity to make fun of you, but I’m letting it go out of the goodness of my heart. I just want to let you know that.”

“Is this what chivalry looks like today?”

“Damn right this is what it looks like.”

“ _Anyway_ , Kyungsoo takes the top bunk because I can’t wake up on the top bunk without bashing my head into the ceiling every morning.”

“Wow, sounds like a major problem.”

“Fuck off.”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol shared a blank look for a moment before Baekhyun started to chuckle, breaking the playful silence between them. It took just a second longer for Chanyeol’s unimpressed look to melt into something softer, eyes crinkling at the edges and lips stretching into a smile. Suddenly, Baekhyun realised how little he had seen Chanyeol smile like this since they met again. It was.. nice.

The comfortable quiet between them continued for another few minutes; Chanyeol peering out of the window curiously while Baekhyun nodded along to the classical music on the radio.

“Kyungsoo came in at the same time as me.” Chanyeol said suddenly, quietly, like he was telling Baekhyun a secret. Baekhyun’s gaze flickered to Chanyeol, but he didn’t say anything. “He and I, we got along almost immediately. It was pretty nice to have someone understand you right off the bat, you know?”

Baekhyun didn’t know, but he nodded anyway.

“Come to think of it, I guess he’s like my best friend. Don’t really know how he tolerates my shit, but he does, and I’m grateful.”

“Anyone who puts up with your shit deserves a medal.”

“If you’re implying that you put up with ‘my shit’ and deserve a medal for that, I _will_ get out of the car right now.”

Baekhyun looked briefly at Chanyeol again. It was a weird thing to see the jovial, simple smile on Chanyeol’s face morph into something more complicated. It wasn’t the same childlike happiness that was there minutes ago, but a kind of weary, nostalgic smile. His gaze was a faraway one, and there was a thickness to his voice that reminded Baekhyun of how his brother used to read to him before he slept. A patient fondness, a gentle nudge.

“What about you?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you have a best friend?”

“I have a personal assistant.” Baekhyun replied evasively. Chanyeol gave Baekhyun a look, crossing his leg uncomfortably in the small space.

“Come on, they’re not the same and you know it.”

Baekhyun frowned at the road, “Why do you wanna know, anyway? It’s not important.”

“Don’t know.” Chanyeol said, turning back to look out of the window, “Just wondering, I guess. And I think I have to disagree with you, I think that best friends are kind of really important people in our lives.”

“Why?”

“They’re the only people we get to choose freely, that we want to keep in our lives.” Chanyeol answered, still looking out of the window and trying to keep his tone as indifferent as possible. “I think it’ll be too lonely to live without one.”

“How is it lonely?”

“I mean, the rest of the people are pretty much decided by the System: our colleagues, our spouses. So, you know, having a best friend is one of the only autonomous decisions we get to have.”

“Why? You don’t like the choices offered by the System?”

“What choices?” Chanyeol bristled softly, probably more to himself than to Baekhyun, but the edge in his voice was enough to cut the discussion. The change in his mood took Baekhyun by surprise, causing the smaller man to jump in his seat. This time, Baekhyun stared openly at Chanyeol with his mouth slightly open, heart thumping with the shock still fresh in his mind.

Chanyeol glanced at Baekhyun, like a child that was quietly ashamed of his wrongdoing, before he murmured, “Sorry.”

“No.” Baekhyun shook his head, focusing on the road ahead again. “I was being insensitive. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m used to it.” Chanyeol said monotonously, in a rehearsed manner. But before Baekhyun could cut in, Chanyeol continued, “Where are we going anyway? Must be pretty important for you to be travelling there at this hour.”

Baekhyun wanted to push the subject, but decided to let it go after a second thought. Clearly, it was still a sore spot for Chanyeol even if he hadn’t realised it before— and why didn’t he realise it earlier? No one would willingly take up such hard work and poor privileges. He kicked himself inwardly, _god_ he was such an idiot.

“I..” Baekhyun paused, gathering his thoughts. “We’re going stargazing.”

“Stargazing?”

“Yeah. It’s, uh, by an open field. You know, the one down by the abandoned theme park.”

“The abandoned theme park?”

“Are you gonna stop copying everything that I say?” Baekhyun teased.

“Yes— No— I mean—” Chanyeol sighed, rubbing his face with his hand, “Why are we travelling _this_ far to stargaze? Couldn’t we have done it in the city?”

“Romance is well and truly dead.” Baekhyun muttered, “Yes, we _could_ have, but.”

“But?”

Baekhyun shut his eyes tightly, shaking his head lightly. “They’re turning this field into a manufacturing port.”

Chanyeol’s eyes drifted over to Baekhyun slowly, “And this place— is it important to you?”

_“Why are you always studying?” Baekhyun whined loudly, rolling over onto his stomach on his brother’s bed, watching the same back hunched over the table for hours on end. His brother put down his pen softly, swirling around in his chair._

_“I have to study, Baek.” he wore an apologetic smile, patting Baekhyun’s hair gently, “I’m sorry.”_

_“You’re no fun.”_

“Yeah,” Baekhyun nodded to himself, “yeah, I guess you can say it was.”

The car came to a stop at the edge of the field, at the end of an makeshift road built upon years of cars driving through it. They stared out of the windscreen for moments on end, neither of them moving or saying anything. The grass had grown longer than Baekhyun remembered it being, unkempt in the wild. The wind swept through the field like a comb brushing out the mess in a single direction, and the clouds were moving a little too quickly. It was the same field, but it was _different_.

“I remembered it being a lot bigger. It used to look endless to me.” Baekhyun breathed.

Chanyeol turned around slowly, offering him a comforting smile. “Lots of things seemed endless to the young us. Maybe part of growing up is this endlessness itself, ironically, coming to an end.”

They got out of the car, feeling the strong wind urge them back home. Chanyeol nodded in the direction of the grass and for some reason, Baekhyun felt compelled to follow Chanyeol. More than that, it was like chasing the feeling of security with Chanyeol.

“Feels like coming home, to be honest.” Baekhyun said, turning in circles in the middle of the field. “Can’t believe that all this is going to be gone soon. What a waste.”

“Waste? The System? Never!” Chanyeol gasped dramatically, his hand flying to grip onto his chest exaggeratedly.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, scoffing.

Chanyeol elbowed Baekhyun playfully, “Aren’t you supposed to be preaching that?”

Baekhyun fixed him a look. “I feel like I should be offended. I think I _should_ be offended.”

“Why? I thought that you should be used to hearing this and all, especially since, you’re.. you know.”

“What?”

Chanyeol glanced down at Baekhyun’s bracelet meaningfully. Baekhyun moved his hand behind his back immediately, looking away from Chanyeol.

“It’s not always as fun and glamorous as it seems.”

“Could be worse.” Chanyeol said.

Baekhyun looked up sharply, glaring at Chanyeol. “Don’t say that.”

“Say what? I’m not trying to make you feel bad, or anything. It’s just the way it is.” Chanyeol squatted down, looking around the ground before plopping backwards with a lazy groan. “The hierarchy of life, it’s all it is.”

“There shouldn’t have to be one like this.”

“It’s not like it’s a new thing introduced by the System, you know. In the past, way before the System came around, I heard that humans had a hierarchy too. It wasn’t as obvious as this,” Chanyeol shook his wrist for emphasis, jangling the bracelet hanging around, “but all the same, people at the top enjoyed life better than the people at the bottom.”

“Doesn’t make it any less wrong.”

“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it’s quite normal for people to want to protect their wealth and assets, but there were some who tried to help the needy in society. They were called philanthropists or something, I can’t quite remember. I think that’s what it was, anyway. They gave their wealth away for charity, they tried to make a difference for the people who couldn’t live their lives properly.”

Baekhyun stood still for seconds, quietly watching the passive, easy rise and fall of Chanyeol’s chest. “How do you know all this stuff?”

Chanyeol blinked at the sky. “My grandmother said that her grandmother was the last generation to live in the old world. She liked to keep their memory alive because she felt that if they were forgotten, then the old world would disappear as well. And, well, that’s kind of sad, isn’t it?”

“That’s pretty heavy. The weight of our history resting on your shoulders.”

“It’s just shit, actually.”

“What is?”

“History. It’s all just pieces of pieces of what actually happened. I mean, things happened— that’s for sure— but then what people see is selective, and they only remember what they want, and in the end, what goes down as ‘history’ is really just the winner’s perspective. It’s all just shit, you know? You’re never going to know the full story, you’re never going to be able to make an objective judgment because history is already subjective in itself. And I think about our history often— the System’s birth— and I wonder how much of it is true. Don’t you wonder what kind of alternatives there could have been, if the System wasn’t around? Our ancestors managed without it, so I’m sure that there has to be better alternatives around. We just never thought of it.”

Baekhyun hesitated, “You don’t think that the System is the best choice we have?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think I can ever say it isn’t for sure. Some people truly believe that, some people can make themselves believe in it. But I’ve never been a believer of doxastic voluntarism.”

“Since when were you into philosophy?”

“Always.” Chanyeol mumbled, “No one ever asked, is all.”

Baekhyun looked away while the guilt spread in his chest. Reflecting on Chanyeol’s thoughts, Baekhyun realised that Chanyeol had thought longer and much deeper than he ever would about subjects like this. While he worried about what people thought about him, Chanyeol was busy thinking about life. And yet, here he was with a platinum to flaunt, while Chanyeol was hidden in the shadows. Chanyeol was naturally intelligent, Baekhyun.. Baekhyun just memorised whatever he was told to.

Baekhyun sat down lifelessly next to Chanyeol, plucking grass near his feet.

“Can I ask you something?”

Chanyeol made a vague noise in response.

“Why didn’t you study for the Exam?”

Chanyeol slowly turned his head to look at Baekhyun, blinking silently for moments before he spoke. “I never liked the idea of having to prove my worth to others.”

Baekhyun said nothing, but he stopped his ministrations just long enough for Chanyeol to know that he was heard.

The two men stayed under the cloudy night sky for minutes after the conversation had ended, although the tension was eventually blown away with the wind, ushering in a peaceful quiet that Baekhyun enjoyed. It was long enough for Chanyeol to close his eyes with his hands supporting his head, for Baekhyun to clear out the guilt in his mind. But it was long enough that the heavy clouds finally gave way, that the warnings of the wind became something that was too late. Baekhyun looked up at the sky with his palms facing up, waiting to feel any droplets of rain. Sure enough, it started with one, and then another, and soon enough it started to grow into a drizzle.

“We should probably go.” Baekhyun muttered regretfully, beginning to walk off. He had walked a few feet away before he realised that Chanyeol wasn’t getting up, nor was he trying to. Looking over his shoulder, Chanyeol was still lying on the floor, staring up at the sky with his jaw slack. As if he could feel the heat of Baekhyun’s gaze, Chanyeol’s eyes flitted to Baekhyun.

“What?”

“It’s going to rain heavily, we should get going.”

“But didn’t you come here to stargaze?”

“It’s going to rain, there’s no way that we’re going to see anything in this weather.”

“That’s an untested hypothesis.” Chanyeol replied, leaning back on his elbows as he stared back at Baekhyun with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Thunder rolled through the sky.

“Chanyeol, we’re not staying out here in the middle of a damn open field where the tallest thing around is us.”

The rain was growing heavier now, seeping into Baekhyun’s shirt and making it stick uncomfortably to his skin. Chanyeol got up heavily, but instead of walking towards Baekhyun, he still still with arms wide open, looking up towards the sky. Rain pelted down on them, trailing down their face before disappearing into the collar of their shirts.

“Say, Baekhyun?”

“What?”

“Don’t you think that the rain looks a bit like stars when they fall?”

“No?” Baekhyun yelled over another roll of thunder. “What are you doing? We’ve got to go!”

Chanyeol laughed, looking at Baekhyun with a gummy smile and eyes in crescents. His hair was matted to his face now, but he looked so happy that there was not a bit of discomfort in his eyes. He started to move in random motions, swinging his arms and twirling about, humming a little tune under his breath. His small steps took him to Baekhyun, where Chanyeol gently took Baekhyun’s hand in his, moving about the forming puddles of mud with as much grace as a newborn taking its first steps.

“Let’s dance.” Chanyeol said, lifting their entwined arms. Baekhyun could have broken the contact, but for some reason decided to let Chanyeol lead him about this unchoreographed dance. He shouldn’t be staying out in the rain, he has work tomorrow, but. But.

“What? Are you insane? This isn’t Dancing In The Rain.” Baekhyun shouted weakly, feeling the fight in him drain and fill with something lighter, something warm.

“Yeah, I know. This is real life.” Chanyeol shouted back, “But if this is the last time that we’ll get to see this place, I want to say goodbye with happy memories. Don’t you?”

As Chanyeol stepped into the gradually forming puddles of muddy water, it splashed up and splattered against his dark cargo pants that were already dirty to begin with. The water created dark tracks where it landed, like a trail left by people exploring places they weren’t familiar with. As the rain fell harder and the wind howled, Chanyeol spun around the open space with his face facing the sky and his eyes closed, and Baekhyun thought that Chanyeol looked like he was dancing among the stars. It was impossible for them to reach the stars, so the stars had fallen down for them.

Baekhyun felt something in his heart crack. His eyes began to water, but he couldn’t tell if it was his tears or the rain falling down his face.

He shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t be crying, but.

But.

Baekhyun laughed, starting after Chanyeol and grabbing onto his friend’s arm, pulling Chanyeol around in circles like he was the centre of gravity itself. Chanyeol shrieked as he stepped backwards into a puddle of mud, nearly falling backwards into it if not for how Baekhyun pulled him upright.

But.

“Your singing sucks, asshole. That isn’t even how the song goes.”

“Bite me.”

“Is that a challenge? I’ll have you know that I was very good at biting things when I was young.”

Chanyeol shoved Baekhyun lightly, before running away and slipping on the grass a few steps away. Baekhyun fell down after Chanyeol, laughing uncontrollably into his friend’s shoulder. It was ridiculous how they were both soaked to the bone and covered in mud, ridiculous how they came to stargaze but failed at their objective, but it had been the most fun Baekhyun has had in a long time.

But.

Distantly, a familiar voice faded away.

_“Quickly finish your exam. I wanna go with you soon.”_

It was now replaced by the sharp sounds of laughter, horrible bickering and the ever present thunder.

 

 

As time passed and Baekhyun began to fully understand the scope of his job, he also came to a startling realisation: for all the efficiency that the System boasted about, there was a surprising amount of inefficiency that was perpetuated by the System itself.

This thought came to Baekhyun one afternoon as he stared at the seat his to his, where Junmyeon should have been sitting in right now but wasn’t there. Apparently, he had “more important” things that he needed to attend to— which, Baekhyun conceded with some resentment, literally anything would be more productive and by extension, more important than this meeting he was in.

It wasn’t that the meeting was entirely useless, well, mostly. One thing that Baekhyun had learnt was that all of the briefings and meetings and what not that he attended was all vetted thoroughly by other workers, handpicked and sugarcoated to cover whatever rotten bits there were. What then was the point of him being there if there was nothing that needed reviewing? What was his role in all this, if all he had to do was smile and nod at every single thing in the book?

Baekhyun flipped a page on the file half-heartedly, seeing but not looking or processing anything written on it. He’d been there for an hour, and the man had been talking for just as long. Honestly, was there even that much to talk about?

Just as he turned the page, there was a bright glint from between the blinders of the window that caught Baekhyun’s attention in the dark room. Curiously, Baekhyun craned his neck just enough to look through the thin gap, out at the construction work being done at the building across. The sun was beating down on the workers mercilessly, and if he squinted, Baekhyun could see the heatwave as people mulled through the open floors.

The aircon in the room blew again, and it jolted Baekhyun out of his reverie.

He began to flip through the file with renewed interest, quickly scanning through the contents before flipping to the next page. And the next, and the next, and the next until there was no more pages behind.

“Where is it?” Baekhyun murmured to himself, but with that all the noise in the room ceased at once. Everyone’s gaze cut to Baekhyun, who only realised what had happened after a beat. He met everyone’s nervous look with a confused one of his own. “What is it? Why have we stopped?”

The presenter at the front of the room coughed, adjusting his tie. “Is there a problem, sir?”

“Mm,” Baekhyun hummed, “why is there no report on welfare?”

“Welfare?”

“Yeah, things like the number of accidents or average labour hours. Why isn’t it in here?”

The presenter shared a look with the others, shrouded in the dark. “We usually don’t include that, sir.”

“Why not?”

“Because no one has ever asked for it, so we didn’t think it was important.”

Baekhyun closed the file with a loud thump, throwing himself back against the chair with a frown setting in. “Not important? Who decided that?” The man opened his mouth to answer, but Baekhyun shook his head, “No, I don’t care. I want to know about how the workers are being treated. It looks like it’s hot enough to bake a cake outside and I’m worried about them, because heatstroke is actually a thing that exists.”

Baekhyun paused, looking around the room, but everyone at the table sat with their heads bowed.

“I don’t want to know about the brand new facilities, or the expected finish date because all these are already decided on. What’s the point of me being here to listen to things that are already settled? I want to know what real problems are happening, I want my time here to be useful, so give me something that is worth my time. Include it in the next meeting.” Baekhyun snapped.

Another hush fell over the room, no one daring to look up at anyone else. Baekhyun’s words reverberated in the air and lingered long after the moment had passed, with everyone sitting on the edge of their seats with a scattered attention. On his part, Baekhyun thought that he would feel much more pleased with himself than he did at the moment. He wanted to do something good for others, he wanted to make a stand for himself for the first time. but it didn’t feel like what he expected it to.

On the walk back to his office, Minseok watched Baekhyun curiously from a few steps behind. To his credit, Minseok kept silent about the whole tirade until the door shut with a resolute click that echoed in the quiet room.

“Did something happen, sir?”

Baekhyun blinked. Minseok levelled with with a look of his own, not bowing down. “It’s just that I’ve never known you to be interested in charity, sir. Interestingly, neither has anyone in the company.”

“Oh, is that so? Why don’t you tell me more about myself then, Minseok?” Baekhyun snapped. However, Minseok remained unfazed by Baekhyun’s sudden outburst. He stood in front of the desk, looking down at his boss with a guarded expression. It was a long time before Minseok spoke again.

“If I may be so bold, sir. What you did just now was very out of character for you, and even more so for a platinum. I’m not going to comment on it, but you have to know at news travels fast in such a small community.”

Baekhyun blinked again, surprised by the change that Minseok’s words took. He expected the man to thoroughly berate him, but beneath the seemingly detached tone there was concern, and Baekhyun wondered from when Minseok began to care for him.

“I.. I’ll deal with it, when it gets there.”

Minseok held Baekhyun’s stare for a minute longer before he nodded stiffly, turning around to leave the room. Just as he was about to open the door, Minseok hesitated with his hand on the handle.

“You have heart, sir. I’d hate to see you get hurt because of that.”

Baekhyun sat at his chair, wondering what Minseok meant. As the door closed, it felt like he was being left in the dark about things he should know. Maybe he was.

 

 

The first time that Chanyeol visits his place, Baekhyun should have expected the reaction that he did.

“Wow.” Chanyeol drew out the word dramatically, eyes focused at the sight behind Baekhyun. “ _Wooow_.” he said again, walking past Baekhyun in a trance-like manner.

Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol moved towards the window, planting his palms on the glass as he looked at the view from right to left, and then back to the right. He closed the door, making a face at Chanyeol’s back. “Hello, Baekhyun, thank you for having me here. You’re welcome, Baekhyun, feel free to make yourself at home. Why _thank_ you, Baekhyun, for being such a hospitable host.”

“Wow.” Chanyeol repeated, ignoring whatever Baekhyun had said. “This view is amazing! Why would you— no, _how_ could you ever sleep with this over here? I would just spend the whole night watching the city at night with all its lights.”

“Well, if you think that this is beautiful, you haven’t seen it when the sun sets. It’s breathtaking.”

“Nah, I think watching the sunrise would be even prettier.”

“The sunrise?” Baekhyun repeated unsurely.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol nodded, “I think that sunrises are way prettier than sunsets. Have you ever seen one?”

“Yeah, of course I have.” Baekhyun scoffed, rolling his eyes. “It was long ago, but I never really thought much about it. It was kind of.. boring.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. Don’t you ever just miss a second of it and then realise that somehow the sun was already up? It happens so slowly when you’re waiting but the second you look away— bam! It’s there.”

“Well, that means that you weren’t really watching it, silly.”

“How do you watch it, then?”

Chanyeol twisted his mouth in thought, “I just sit there and observe the little changes, I guess.”

“And that’s enough?”

“Small little things that change can add up to big changes. Why do you like sunsets so much, then?”

Baekhyun shrugged, “It’s bright. It’s eye catching. What’s there not to like?”

“The end of the day?” Chanyeol pointed out, “Sunrise brings a new day and opportunities, what do sunsets bring?”

“Okay, now you’re thinking too deeply about this.” Baekhyun laughed, walking into the open kitchen to get the food out of the oven. “I hope you like baked salmon.”

“As long as it isn’t raw, I’m cool with it.” Chanyeol replied distractedly, walking around the living room and looking through the photo frames on the wall. “Hey, is this you?”

Baekhyun glanced up, “Yeah, that’s me.” he confirmed.

“And is that your brother?”

Baekhyun froze at the mention of his brother. It had been years, but it was still hard to talk about his brother. “Yeah, that was my brother.” Baekhyun said in a tight voice, “He died in an accident 3 years ago.”

Especially in past tense.

Chanyeol closed his mouth, biting his lower lip nervously. “Oh my god, Baekhyun.” he tried after a long pause, “I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine how you must feel.”

“Yeah, it’s— shit. It’s just shit.” Baekhyun mumbled. Chanyeol’s expression turned downcast as he looked at Baekhyun face away, thinking about something else. A sombre cloud wafted through the air before it left, taking its time as it went. “Food’s ready.” Baekhyun called.

Lunch was a bit more quiet after the mention of his brother. Chanyeol kept taking peeks at Baekhyun when he thought he wasn’t looking, wearing a look that was half worried and half guilty. Baekhyun noticed— of course he did, subtlety was never Chanyeol’s forte, but he didn’t have any words to tell his friend. Despite the accident happening years ago, the past was never truly left in the past. For Baekhyun, it sometimes felt like he was still living in the shadow of his brother, like his parents had never truly gotten over the death of their perfect son.

He stabbed the broccoli on his plate with a little more force than was needed. The fork clashed against the plate with a loud clank, jolting Chanyeol from whatever thoughts he was having as well.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol frowned, making to stand up. Baekhyun waved it off quickly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s okay.”

Chanyeol didn’t look convinced, but he sat down anyway. They continued to eat in silence, although this time Baekhyun was more cognizant of his actions. It was only after Baekhyun had finished the last grain on his plate that Chanyeol decided to speak again.

“Hey, I couldn’t help but notice the rather big piano you have in the middle of the room. Didn’t know you could play.”

“I can’t.” Baekhyun replied, “It was already there when I moved in, and moving it out would take too much effort. Besides, the room looks more filled with it there.”

“Oh. So you’ve never played on it before?” Chanyeol stood up, walking to the piano with a small frown on his face. “That’s a shame, it looks like a really nice piano.” he sat down at the piano and opened the cover carefully, afraid to scratch the pristine surface. Chanyeol bent down, looking across the keyboard with wonder written across his face before he slowly pressed down on one key, listening to it echo in the room before he pressed another.

“Do you play the piano?” Baekhyun asked, following Chanyeol across the room. Chanyeol looked up, but instead of replying with words, he beamed at Baekhyun before he started playing the piano.

And suddenly, Baekhyun is ten.

Baekhyun is ten and sitting at his desk in the late afternoon when everyone else has left. He is ten when tears began to fall, smudging the scribbles across his workbook. He is ten when he hears music, a soft melody coming from somewhere. Stiffly, Baekhyun gets out of his seat and follows the sound of the music down the hallway, up the stairs and around a corner. The sun shines brightly through the window, basking the corridor in an orange hue. Baekhyun creeps up to the room with its door ajar and curiously pushes it slowly, widening the gap. He looks over his shoulder before he peeks in, feeling like a criminal about to be caught in the act.

He doesn’t see anyone. Whoever it was was well hidden behind the pianos lined up in rows and columns, but the music comes through the room more clearly now. Baekhyun could hear every key, he could feel it reverberate in the pindrop silence elsewhere. Silently, Baekhyun leaned back against the wall and let himself slide down against it, listening to the music flood the quiet.

“It was you.” Baekhyun whispered.

Chanyeol lets the last note ring until it fades before he looks up. “Me?”

“You were the one who played the piano in the afternoons, in the piano room on level 4.”

Chanyeol’s face began to colour, “How do you know it was me?” he asks, obviously flustered.

“It was this song. I remember this song clearly. I loved listening to it before I went home.”

“You were listening to me? For how long?”

“Until they began to lock the piano rooms.” Baekhyun said, letting his fingers ghost the edge of the piano. Chanyeol’s mouth shut immediately. With that sentence, Chanyeol would have known how many months Baekhyun sat outside, listening to him play the piano. It wasn’t until some students started to vandalise the piano rooms after classes that they began to lock the piano rooms when school had ended. Baekhyun still sat in the classroom, hoping to hear the same melody again, but it never came.

For what felt like minutes on end, the both of them stared at the other, both revisiting a shared memory that never met. “Where did you learn how to play so well?”

“By ear, mostly.”

“Ear?”

“Well, my parents wanted to send to to learn the piano formally. But, well.” Chanyeol stops suddenly, looking at the red band around his wrist. “Greens didn’t have that kind of privilege.”

Baekhyun looked on quietly.

“My mother was adamant that I had some kind of talent, though. She tried her best to expose me to different genres of music, and she wanted to buy me a keyboard to practice on, too. Obviously, she was wrong. I didn’t have the kind of talent she thought I did.”

“Not everyone can play by ear, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun countered.

“Yeah, guess not. But I wasn’t meant to be a musician, either. At least, the System didn’t think so.” Chanyeol said dismissively. Baekhyun wanted to protest, but he didn’t. What good would that do? He didn’t want to end up having an argument with Chanyeol, and he didn’t want to upset his friend either. Chanyeol continued to play for awhile more before he noticed the silence from Baekhyun. “Hey, what’s with that face? Come on, Baek. It’s not like this is a surprise or anything. My parents were greens, the most I was ever going to be was a green. It wasn’t as if I would ever be a bronze and become a musician.”

“Just because it’s the way things are doesn’t make it right, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun snapped.

Chanyeol sighed, and a small, private smile creeped onto his face. “You’re a really strange platinum, you know that?”

“What?”

“Most of the higher colours don’t even bat an eyelid when they see us, but not you.”

“And it’s disgusting. I hate the feeling of entitlement that those people have. They think that because they did well in the Exam, they’re able to look down on everyone. It’s not the way that it works.”

Chanyeol’s hand fell from the piano keys. He watched Baekhyun’s hands flail around the air in anger.

“And they try to dehumanise the rest, and they try to instill a sense of superiority from young. They try to get us to fear being greens and red, and we keep perpetuating this stupid stereotype because we have been conditioned from young to think like this. It’s all so stupid. What’s wrong with not doing well on the Exam, anyway? It’s not like it’s the end of the world.” Baekhyun spat.

Chanyeol looked down, “It’s not the end of the world, but life isn’t easy either. Other people get to be with their families and live like regular people, but reds don’t.”

Anger dissipated out of Baekhyun like a bucket of water had doused a fire, “Where is your family?”

“They sold their house to move to the countryside.” Chanyeol smiled bleakly, “It wasn’t like I could’ve stayed with them as a red, anyway. And they wanted the money for something else too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, it’s the way that things are. I still don’t like how it is, but it’s easier to just live my life without thinking too much about the bad things, or about the things that I wish could happen. They didn’t happen, and thinking about it would just open many cans of worms. I know I would never be satisfied with my life if I could see a better future ahead, anyway.”

Baekhyun made his way to Chanyeol, taking a seat at the edge of the chair. “You know, my parents.” he began, looking at the keys instead of Chanyeol. “My parents were silvers. Even though they were silvers— or maybe it was because they were silvers— that they had high hopes for my brother to exceed them. He was outspoken and a natural leader, and they pushed him to do well in school. When he managed to get a perfect score on the Exam, they were so happy. They were overjoyed.”

A pause.

“And then he died two years later. It devastated our family, but my parents never truly recovered from it. My mother took it the hardest. She started to push me in the same way that she did to my brother, never mind that I was never as fast as he was in grasping concepts, never mind that I was never able to sit down and focus on practice questions for hours and hours.

“But I did it. I didn’t want to disappoint them, I wanted them to be happy again. I tried my best and did whatever they wanted me to do, I did everything they wanted me to do even if I hated every second of it. And when I finally got a perfect score, do you know what they said to me?”

Chanyeol shook his head. Baekhyun barked out a harsh laugh.

“Yeah, they didn’t. My mother looked once at me and walked away. I guess even a perfect score wasn’t enough for her to remember that Byun Baekhyun exists. It still wasn’t enough for her to stop comparing me to my brother and to be proud of me, for once in my life.”

“You’re good enough, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun gave Chanyeol a weak smile. “Maybe we’re both glitches in the System. A talented, amazing red and an undeserving platinum. What a combination we make, huh?”

“You’re not undeserving. You worked the hardest in our batch, and you deserve every good thing that comes your way.” Chanyeol replied fiercely. Baekhyun chuckled, nudging Chanyeol’s arm with his shoulder goodnaturedly. Minutes passed in a companionable silence, with Chanyeol playing whatever tune came to him, only this time with Baekhyun by his side. The only indication that time was passing were the lethargic movement of the thin clouds outside, dragged along by the wind every now and then.

“You know something?” Baekhyun said, straightening up. Chanyeol hummed in reply, still focused on the song he was playing. “We can’t do anything about my family, but we can still do something for yours.”

Chanyeol’s fingers halted. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I can drive you to visit them. You said they moved to the countryside, right? I can fetch you in the early morning on one of your off days, and we can make the drive.” he said, watching Chanyeol’s expression change into a mix of cautious hope and disbelief. “Only if you want it, of course.” he added quickly.

It took a long moment before Chanyeol spoke. “And you’re willing to do this?”

“Wouldn’t be suggesting it if I wasn’t.”

Chanyeol looked down briefly before he looked up again, this time with a watery smile. “You know,” he said thickly, “my birthday happens to be coming soon. I think it would be nice to celebrate it with my family.”

Baekhyun could never understand the kind of joy that Chanyeol got from the thought of being in the company of his family. He could never understand the feeling of missing them and anticipating being with them again. But he had never seen the kind of unadulterated happiness flowing from his friend, and there were no words he could say in reply to Chanyeol. Instead, Baekhyun swept Chanyeol into a gentle hug. Chanyeol returned the hug, wrapping his long arms around Baekhyun as the tears began to wet his face. There were also no words to describe how happy he was, just making Chanyeol happy.

 

 

_You have one unopened message._

_BEEP._

_Hey Minseok, I know it’s late, but I uh, I need your help with something. Could you help me to compile a variety of songs from various genres? I’m not sure what kind of songs are good on the piano, so I’ll just leave that to your discretion._

_Maybe get me something portable for the music as well. That would be real handy. Thanks._

 

 

On hindsight, Baekhyun should have expected someone to notice how he was absent during every lunch hour, or to have caught him sneaking around with two sets of meals. Although he tried to pretend that he was perfectly okay with being seen with Chanyeol, there was still a small part of him that knew that it wasn’t normal by society’s standards.

So on hindsight, Baekhyun was really thankful that the person who caught him was Minseok.

It was a quiet set of footsteps that would have been drowned out by the music from the earpiece, if not for the fact that the man stood a distance away under the sun, the outstanding black figure against the green leaves and grass patches. He regarded Baekhyun with a closed off expression, betraying nothing.

“Fuck.” Baekhyun muttered to himself, pulling off the earpiece from his left ear. Chanyeol jumped in alarm, eyes wide with fear.

“What is it?” he asked worriedly before following Baekhyun’s gaze to Minseok, “Who is that?”

“My personal assistant.” Baekhyun said as he got up.

“Oh. Why is he here?”

“That’s what I’d like to find out myself.”

The walk to Minseok was a short but nerve wracking one. Despite the time that they had spent together, Minseok had always been an enigma to him. At times he was like a closed book, while at other times he was an open book with missing pages or ink faded where the text was most important. When Minseok said that he understood Baekhyun, Baekhyun couldn’t doubt it completely because he couldn’t deny that he wore his emotions on his sleeves most of the time. But Baekhyun didn’t understand Minseok, and even though Minseok was his subordinate there was an unbalanced scale of power tipped towards the other man.

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun asked in lieu of a greeting. Minseok tilted his head, as if pondering on the question.

“I think I should be the one asking you that, sir. What are _you_ doing?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Sir, I _am_ an employee of the company. It is part of my duty to check in on the welfare and activities of my boss and to report anything alarming to the committee.”

“So, what, have you been _spying_ on me?”

“I’ve been watching you, sir, as I have always been doing.” Minseok said with a sharp edge in his voice, “But what have _you_ been doing, sir?”

“Having lunch with a friend.” Baekhyun replied firmly, stepping forward in a subtle challenge.

Minseok’s frown deepened, looking back and forth between Chanyeol and Baekhyun with disapproval as he shook his head.

“So what are you going to do now?” Baekhyun asked softly this time. There was nothing that he could do or say to convince Minseok otherwise if the man had already made up his mind. He was hoping against hope, but he wasn’t going to hold his breath.

“What am I going to do? I don’t quite understand.” Minseok answered, flashing a resigned smile. “Kim Minseok was never here today, afterall.”

Huh?

Minseok began to walk away before Baekhyun had time to process the meaning behind his words. Scrambling to hold onto Minseok, Baekhyun stumbled after the man. “W-wait!”

Minseok looked over his shoulder with a raised brow.

“Why— Why are you helping me?”

“Because although I am an employee of the company, I am your friend afterall.” the edge of Minseok’s lips tugged upwards wryly, “But not everyone thinks the same way, and after your outburst in the meeting last month, I would urge you to be more cautious. A man buying a meal for two, disappearing every lunch time and refusing to go for after office functions is very suspicious to anyone, sir.”

Baekhyun’s grip on Minseok’s arm loosened enough for the man to pull away. Much like the last time, he watched Minseok walk away again with that steady gait, the confident line of his shoulders. And then Baekhyun began to wonder when he had earned such a reliable ally, what he had done to deserve Minseok’s loyalty. All this time he had been suspicious of his assistant, thinking that Minseok was a spy for the System when all along he had been supportive and worried.

“My name isn’t ‘sir’ you know?” Baekhyun shouted at Minseok’s back, “It’s Baekhyun.”

Minseok paused in his footsteps momentarily before a small smile graced his lips, “I’ll be sure to remember that, Baekhyun.”

 

 

Green turned to orange with days that blended into weeks. Slowly, the summer heat faded away with the leaves that flew away as the wind rustled them. Baekhyun could feel time passing, but felt like a man living on borrowed time.

 

 

Chanyeol was being really quiet, uncharacteristically so. He was sulking at his food, occasionally shoving a few bites into his mouth but nothing like how he usually ate— as if lunch would disappear if he didn’t finish everything in one sitting. By now, he would be almost done with his meal and talking Baekhyun’s head off, but today he sat still, blinking at the balding trees with melancholy.

“You’re awfully quiet today,” Baekhyun remarked, voice sounding casual but feeling anything but, “thinking about something?”

Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun for just a split second before looking back down at his relatively untouched food again, “Kind of.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Baekhyun scooted closer to Chanyeol, placing his container on the ground beside him. Again, Chanyeol looked up but held Baekhyun’s stare this time. Like a fog that drifted in, Baekhyun found himself unable to read Chanyeol’s mood like he usually could, and it made him anxious to realise that he didn’t know what Chanyeol was feeling or going to say. He always had a feeling of how the conversation would go, but for the first time he felt like he was trying to find foot in a sinkhole.

It was a long moment before Chanyeol broke the eye contact, turning back to his food. Baekhyun waited in a tense silence.

“Do you know of anyone who has gone for the Correction?” Chanyeol finally asked.

“The Correction?” Baekhyun furrowed his brows, tilting his side slightly as he tried to recall what it was. He knew that he heard it from somewhere, but it was lost to him at the moment.

Seeing Baekhyun’s confusion, Chanyeol chuckled lifelessly, “Yeah, I guess you don’t.” he twiddled his thumbs together, piecing his sentences before he spoke them, “I guess you don’t need to know what it is, either.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve heard of it before.” Baekhyun said.

Chanyeol shrugged, “Yeah, well, I guess most people have heard of it in passing.” a pause, “I know someone who decided to get Corrected.”

“What does that mean?” Baekhyun asked hesitantly with trepidation growing in his chest. If he remembered correctly, it wasn’t going to be anything pleasant.

“Some people call the Correction _the_ once in a lifetime opportunity to turn your life around. Of course, they really only mean that for reds.” Chanyeol smiled humourlessly, “It’s an operation to correct your defective genes, to make us a valuable member of society. Essentially, it’s a means for us to start over with a normal life again— a clean slate.”

Baekhyun didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t.

“It sounds like a dream, right? But the cost of being Corrected is really high, and I don’t just mean the price tag.”

“What does that mean?” Baekhyun asked again. A thought wandered into his head: for how much he had studied, how was it that he was still so clueless about so much?

Chanyeol exhaled slowly, “A clean slate— you forgo all your memories when you’re done. A new person, a new life, a new green bracelet to replace the red.” he shook his head lightly, “But you know, I used to wonder who would even pay such a high price for that, you know? Who would give up their whole identity for a chance at, what? A normal life? But who are we without our memories and experiences?”

“It’s a high price.” Baekhyun agreed.

“Yeah, it is. But it seems that more people than I expected are willing to pay it.”

“Who was it? The person you knew.”

“He was my supervisor. He took really good care of me and Kyungsoo when we first joined.” Chanyeol told the floor, his tone tinged with sadness and regret. “I never expected him, of all people, to go for the Correction. He was always smiling and encouraging us to do our best, to hold on. He believed in hard work paying off. Who knew that behind those smiles, he was actually thinking of starting over?”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Chanyeol.”

“Yeah, me too.” a sigh, “Now I wonder if I ever run into him again, sometime in the future, if he would recognise me. Maybe he won’t remember exactly who I am or where we met, but you know, maybe he would stop and think ‘Hey, he looks familiar. I must have known him from before’. I wonder if that happens, whether he would approach me or not.”

“Would you?”

“Would I what?”

“Approach him if you ever saw him again.”

Chanyeol lifted his chin to the sky, letting his shoulders sag with the weight of his worries. “I don’t know, should I? I mean, I guess I would love to go up to him and give him a hug or something, maybe introduce myself to him again and see if we could be friends again.”

“But?”

“But,” with his head still facing upwards, Chanyeol’s eyes wandered down to meet Baekhyun’s, “I’m not so sure if that’ll be a good idea. He did re-start his life for a reason, so maybe it’ll be better if everything was just left the way it is— in the past.”

A hush fell over them at the end of the sentence. Baekhyun pursed his lips, looking at the bouquet of yellow and orange leaves clinging onto the branches of the trees, looking at the brown leaves that are chipped at the tips, looking at the barren area surrounding them. He wasn’t so sure that he could understand what Chanyeol was saying. Baekhyun had always thought about what he would do or say to his brother if his brother ever came back to life one day. He missed his brother dearly and had so many things to say, so the answer was obvious for him: he would approach his brother.

However, the key difference was that his brother would remember him if he came back to life. And if he didn’t.. well, Baekhyun wasn’t going to ponder on that.

Then, suddenly, Chanyeol spoke again. “Have you ever wondered what you would be today, if the System never existed?”

“Not really, no.” Baekhyun leaned back against the cool wall, letting his head fall back as he stared at the metal pipes crawling across the ceiling, listening to the soft rustle of the leaves against each other. “There’s not really a point imagining such a world, is there? It’ll be a purely hypothetical world.”

Chanyeol crossed his legs, angling his body towards Baekhyun. “Well, in this hypothetical world where the System doesn’t exist, what do you think you would be?”

Baekhyun sighed, putting his cup down between them. Chanyeol wasn’t going to let this go without an answer, so he might as well try to give an honest one.

“I honestly don’t know.” Baekhyun confessed, “There’s so much uncertainty in thinking of the possibilities. I could be a teacher, I could be a writer—”

“Or a dancer. A singer.” Chanyeol suggested. Baekhyun worked his eyebrows at that.

“Yeah, whatever. I could be anything. There’s too many options for me to truly consider, and that’s—” he licked his lips, “that’s quite frightening.”

“The possibilities?”

“The uncertainty. How do you know that you’re making the right choice for yourself? How do you know that this is truly what you’re good at? Without the System, I wouldn’t— and that’s scary.”

“Well, maybe you would find out your true talent and passion _without_ the System’s constant interference.” Chanyeol argued, “Maybe you could have developed your dancing and singing skills if the exam wasn’t the be all end all.”

“I don’t know if that would’ve happened.”

“Yeah, you don’t _think_ it would have happened. And that’s the whole point: you don’t know. But, hypothetically speaking, it _could_ have happened.”

Baekhyun turned away, picking up his drink just for the sake of doing something, anything. “In that case, what would you be?”

This time, Chanyeol looked down, picking at the frayed ends of his pants. “I don’t know, but I would be happy.”

The quiet dragged on for what felt like hours before Baekhyun noticed how still Chanyeol had become again, eyes staring ahead but not seeing anything in front of him. His chest constricted a bit at the sight of his friend hurting for someone who would not remember their friendship. He wanted to reach out and comfort Chanyeol, even if he wasn’t sure that things would get better in the end. But those are the words that his brother always told him, and it wasn’t entirely false.

So Baekhyun threw an arm around Chanyeol, bringing the taller man in for a side-hug. Chanyeol squawked in surprise, eyes widening and limbs swinging precariously for balance.

“What?”

“Things will get better, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun grinned as wide as he could, hoping that his voice was as enthusiastic as he intended, “And even if they don’t, you know that you’ll have me, right?”

Chanyeol didn’t look so sure. If anything, there was something in the way that Chanyeol held his gaze that made Baekhyun wonder what Chanyeol was really seeing at the moment, because all Baekhyun saw was the look of a man witnessing a disaster unfold, but was unable to stop anything from happening. But Chanyeol nodded anyway, offering a flimsy smile. “Yeah, course I do.”

Baekhyun forced himself to smile back, but if it was wavering, neither of them said a thing.

 

 

As soon as Chanyeol had his seatbelt strapped on, Baekhyun had popped a party popper in the car.

“Happy birthday Park Chanyeol!” Baekhyun said excitedly. Chanyeol winced at the noise.

“I’m torn between being touched, and being annoyed at how loud you are this early in the morning.” Chanyeol replied wryly, picking up the pieces of shimmering streamers from his pants.

“Well, luckily I expected this, so I bought coffee.” Baekhyun nodded to the two, tall cups of coffee between them as he started to drive off. Chanyeol looked at them skeptically.

“They’re not decaf, are they?”

“I might harbour some evil thoughts every now and then, but even I don’t sink _that_ low.”

“I don’t know about that one.” Chanyeol murmured, picking up one of the cups with both hands. Baekhyun pulled a face at the road, imagining it was Chanyeol.

“You’re awfully bratty this morning.”

“It’s my birthday, you have to let me do whatever I want.”

“You just remember that on my birthday.” Baekhyun says. Chanyeol smiled into his drink, taking a slow, long sip before sighing contentedly.

The rest of the journey continued in peaceful silence. Every now and then, Chanyeol’s leg would begin shaking, but it always stopped whenever Baekhyun placed his hand on top of Chanyeol’s, giving it an assuring grip. Chanyeol would always turn with a grateful smile, and Baekhyun would smile back at Chanyeol. The radio was just a notch higher than Baekhyun usually listened to his music, and little rain droplets began to roll off the windscreen as the car drove away from the darker clouds into roads under lighter and brighter skies, and that was that.

It took a few good hours of driving before Baekhyun turned into a more decrepit part of a seaside town, where the roads were narrower and worn down with age than he had ever seen in the city. The sun hung high in the sky, although the effect wasn’t as visible due to the dreary thick clouds that crawled across the sky. As soon as Baekhyun turned off the engine, Chanyeol got out of the car. However, Chanyeol stood still with some hesitation and nervousness, looking at the closed door of the small house.

Baekhyun got out of the car as well. “Well, go on.”

Chanyeol offered a tight smile as he trudged forward heavily, swallowing once before knocking lightly on the door. The heavy sound of quick footsteps could be heard before the door was yanked open to reveal Chanyeol’s sister, looking at her brother in shock and delight.

“Chanyeol!” she cried, pulling him in for a hug. Chanyeol didn’t say anything back, choosing to wrap his arms around his sister. His mother came out of the house not long later with tears forming quickly in her eyes, joining the hug wordlessly with the biggest smile Baekhyun had ever seen the woman wear.

Moments later, Chanyeol’s mother looked at Baekhyun and waved him over, “You too, Baekhyun. I haven’t seen you in such a long time as well.”

Baekhyun walked over quickly, sliding in nicely between Yoora and Chanyeol. Sometimes, deep in his heart, Baekhyun wished that his mother was more like Chanyeol’s, that his family was more loving. He used to wonder what it would be like to go home and have his parents smile at him as they welcomed him home, to sit together for meals and tell them what happened at school. It must have been like this, Baekhyun thought to himself. Even if it wasn’t his family, it was still nice to be hugged like this, to be included and wanted somewhere.

The day passed by as quickly as Baekhyun thought it would be, not that they had a lot of time to spare between the long drives to and fro anyway. Chanyeol’s family had waited for them before eating the spread that they had painstakingly cooked, with a wide variety of meat, soup and vegetables that tasted uniquely homecooked. Pieces of vegetables were cut unevenly and the soup was slightly saltier than what Baekhyun usually had, but this was the kind of imperfections which made homecooked food more special, because of the effort that went into making the food for others to enjoy.

After finishing their meal, Chanyeol’s father brought out a small cake, obviously baked by his family. Everyone gathered around the table, singing together and waiting for Chanyeol to make a wish before he blew out the candle. Chanyeol looked around, taking in everyone’s faces before he closed his eyes and leaned in, gently blowing the lone candle in the middle of the cake. The ganache wasn’t as smooth as the cakes Baekhyun had seen in the city, nor was the height of the cake even at all angles, but it was the most delicious cake that he had ever eaten.

Standing outside of the house in the little balcony that they had, Baekhyun leaned forward on the wooden railings, feeling the slow breeze caress his face. The trees swayed along with the wind in a practiced choreography, always almost touching each other but never quite succeeding. In the distance, Baekhyun could see faint small figures running around the pavement where the asphalt meets sand, under the orange light dying by the minutes. There was nothing spectacular about today’s sunset, but being in a place where so many happy memories were being created made it special, nonetheless.

“Hey.” a voice called from behind. Baekhyun looked over his shoulder, seeing Yoora close the door behind her.

“Hey.” Baekhyun replied, with a hint of uncertainty in his voice, “What brings you out here?”

“Could ask the same of you.”

“Ate too much, thought I could use some fresh air.”

Yoora smiled kindly, “Then I guess we have the same reason.”

“Thanks for the food, by the way. It was all really delicious.”

“You’re welcome. Thank you for bringing my brother home.” Yoora paused, tucking a lock of short hair behind her ears as she leaned against the wood, resting her chin on her palm. “I can’t tell you how much it means to us to see him again.”

“Don’t mention it.” Baekhyun murmured softly, folding his arms on the railing, “It wasn’t a big problem for me, anyway.”

Yoora eyed Baekhyun’s platinum bracelet with a tinge of sadness in her eyes before she looked away, into the distance where the orange rays were drowned in blue at an alarming rate. “How have you been, Baekhyun?”

“I have been fine, I think. Nothing much going on in my life at the moment.”

“Is that so?” Yoora chuckled, “I would have thought that you’ll be having packed schedules everyday, meeting other important people and all that.”

“Well, I _am_ meeting people. Whether they’re important or not, I can’t tell.” Baekhyun said, looking back at Chanyeol through the small window in the door. Yoora followed his gaze, staring at her family with a faraway look in her eyes. “How have you been, Yoora?”

There was a long moment of silence before Yoora shrugged stiffly, turning around fully to lean back against the railing. Cocking her head to the side, she sipped slowly on the cup of fruit punch in her hand. “Things have been okay, I guess.”

“Work going okay?”

“Yeah. Nothing much changes for me day to day, anyway.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun scratched the back of his neck, thinking of how to prolong the conversation, “Have you met anyone recently?”

Yoora took another long sip of her drink before looking up to meet Baekhyun’s stare. Now that he was closer to her, he could see the exhaustion in her face, the lines that didn’t exist a few years ago. There was nothing happy in her gaze, only resignation and regret.

“I did,” she said flatly, “But, well, you know how it is.”

“I know how.. what is?”

“The compatibility test, of course.” Yoora laughed humourlessly, shaking her head. Baekhyun’s confusion grew; he had heard of the test, but he never actually had an idea of how it worked. Yoora looked at him again, and then her gaze fell onto the bracelet on his wrist as she spoke, “It isn’t enough for your life to be determined by class anymore, now your love and compatibility must be evaluated as well. The potential of your relationship, the probability of having children, the probability of raising good, worthy children.. They evaluate the worth of your relationship and possible marriage, and if you don’t get above whatever they want, you’ll never be a legitimate couple in the eyes of the System.”

“What does it mean to be a legitimate couple?”

“That you’ll get benefits, that your child will have a place in society.” Yoora looked morosely in her cup, “Shouldn’t you be familiar with all this, anyway?”

Baekhyun kept quiet. The truth was that he didn’t know this. Sure, he should have expected something like this, but he didn’t know that even love was calculated now. When he had gone on dates with people the System singled out as compatible for him, he thought it was just another matchmaking system that was purely optional. He hadn’t known that your love had to be tested and _approved_.

“Or maybe, I don’t know, maybe things work differently for you than the rest of us.” Yoora traced the edge of her green bracelet mindlessly. Baekhyun stared at her bracelet, looking at the bright green that made many worlds of difference between them, at the green that might not have meant anything at all in another world. “Can I ask you something, Baekhyun?”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asked, confused. Yoora sighed tiredly.

“What are you doing with Chanyeol?”

“I..” Baekhyun bit his lower lip, “I’m not doing anything with him.”

“Doesn’t seem that way to me.”

“What does it look like to you?”

“Platinums don’t spend 8 hours to drive a red to visit their family. Platinums don’t try to make reds happy, because there’s no need to please reds. So what does it look like to me? It looks like you don’t see Chanyeol only as a friend.” with every words that Yoora said, Baekhyun could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He clenched his palms to calm himself, but his sweaty palms made him realise just how nervous and scared he was of listening to what was being said. As Yoora started to leaned towards him, Baekhyun took a step back, trying to maintain the distance between them. “But you know that reds and platinums will never be accepted by society. There’s nowhere that this can go, if it even begins in the first place. So I’ll ask you again, Baekhyun, what are you doing?”

Baekhyun stared back at her for a few seconds, feeling his thundering heartbeat and blood rushing through his veins. He swallowed thickly, “I’m trying to find my own happiness.”

Yoora looked tiredly at Baekhyun, “You know, colours and classes are hard to beat.”

“What?”

“Do you know why people date and marry into similar colours? Similar classes?” Yoora took a breath, “Even if you’re willing to ignore societal convention, would society really let you? There are things that love cannot overcome by virtue of itself, and this is one of them. Sooner or later you’re going to realise that the unequal rights allocated to you isn’t just a minor inconvenience. Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a willingness to commit from both parties.”

“I know that love isn’t just a feeling.” Baekhyun argued in a feeble voice.

It took a few more seconds for Yoora’s hard stare to soften into something akin to pity. She retreated, turning around to look back at the mostly dark sky. “Tell me something honestly, Baekhyun.”

“What?”

“Are you happy?”

By now, the sound of laughter from the beach had disappeared, and the silhouettes of children running along the horizon had faded into the darkness of the sky. All that was left was the breeze that had grown harsher, throwing the trees into a frenzy, spinning around on the spot too much to be graceful. Again, Baekhyun remained silent, opting not to answer the question.

Yoora looked at Baekhyun, offering a mirthless smile, “What does it mean for the rest of us, if the greatest beneficiary of the System isn’t happy?”

The drive back to the city felt even longer, and the air was different than the one between them before.

Baekhyun focused on the road, letting the music fill the silence, hoping for it to drown Yoora’s words that was stuck on a loop in his thoughts. Chanyeol, sated and happy, clutched onto the little bag with packed food and a strange manila envelope at the top. Once or twice, Baekhyun would peek at the envelope, wondering what it was. But every time that he looked, Chanyeol would catch his stare.

“Thanks for doing this.” Chanyeol said softly.

Baekhyun tried to smile, but it felt forced and anything but sincere. He hoped it didn’t show. “It was pretty fun. We should do this again next year.”

Hearing this, Chanyeol’s smile faltered as well. He ran his hand over the bag on his lap, clutching onto the envelope as he looked out of the window, staring at the streetlights that turn into yellow blurs as they drive by.

“Yeah.” Chanyeol mumbles to himself. Baekhyun eyed the envelope for just a moment longer, memorising the creases forming where Chanyeol’s fingertips closed in like a noose around its neck.

It was quiet for minutes on end before Chanyeol spoke up again, with his hand still gripping onto the envelope mindlessly.

“Hey, Baekhyun?”

“Hmm?”

“What do you think of people who have been Corrected?”

Baekhyun did a double take on that, suddenly much more aware of the quiet and distance between them.

“Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering.”

Baekhyun’s gaze jumped between the road and Chanyeol uneasily, nervously twisting in his seat. “What do you mean, what do I think?”

“Do you think poorly of them?”

“No, I don’t suppose I do.” Baekhyun said after a long thought, “I can’t imagine that it must be easy to leave everything behind.”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think? You must think something, since you asked the question.”

“I—” Chanyeol trailed off, his gaze still fixed at something in the distance. The pause was drawn out longer than Baekhyun was comfortable with, before Chanyeol continued, “I can’t decide if they’re brave or cowardly.”

“Why cowardly?”

“I guess they can be brave for daring to leave everything behind and start again, but on the flip side of the coin, they can be said to be cowardly for running away from their problems. It’s a thin line.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Very thin.”

Chanyeol’s relaxed his grip on the envelope and the tension between his shoulders began to loosen. Although it seemed like a casual question, the recurring nature of the topic began to seem odd to Baekhyun. But curiosity and the unbounded human imagination were powerful things, so Baekhyun discarded his thoughts without further worry.

As the sky turned to purple, and the songs bled into one another, the silence dragged on started to hang around like an unwanted visitor. Chanyeol uncrossed his leg, turning the other way before he crossed them again.

“You know, maybe we should do something together on your birthday.”

“My.. birthday?” Baekhyun echoed, equal parts baffled and surprised.

“Yeah, you know, the day you were born.”

Baekhyun furrowed his brows at the road ahead, drumming his fingers on the wheel. “Do what?”

“I don’t know— something you like? What do you like? Food? Chick flicks?”

“I'll have you know that I am a multifaceted person with a lot of hobbies.”

“Alright then, what do you like but haven’t done in some time?” Chanyeol paused, quickly adding on, “I’m not dancing in the rain again, by the way. I fell sick the last time, that’s all on you.”

“I think you and I remember that day very differently, pal. But,” Baekhyun hummed thoughtfully, “you know, actually, there is something that I’ve been wanting to do for a month now.”

“What’s that?”

“Watch a musical.”

Chanyeol turned, looking at Baekhyun blankly. “Really?” he said. It wasn’t doubt in his voice, but genuine curiosity. Baekhyun nodded.

“Yeah. It never felt right to go with others.” Baekhyun said mindlessly before he realised _what_ he said, then quickly adding, “They didn’t like the performing arts.”

Chanyeol smiled, “I understand. It’s hard to find people who like watching performances. They always seem to prefer watching sports or movies. Yeah, watching a musical sounds nice.”

“And you want to accompany me? Really?”

“It’s your birthday, Baekhyun. You can do whatever you want, remember?” Chanyeol laughed softly, shoving Baekhyun’s shoulder lightly. Baekhyun pretended to scowl at his friend before it gave way to a smile.

“Asshole.” he replied fondly.

“Dumbass.” Chanyeol shot back.

The clouds had cleared by the time they returned to the city, lit up by the massive billboards and street lamps lined along the roads.

 

 

Baekhyun had offered to fetch Chanyeol, but Chanyeol shook his head and insisted that he would meet Baekhyun at the theatre itself.

_“You’ve already given me so much,” Chanyeol smiled, embarrassed and slightly ashamed, “I can’t ask you to go further.”_

But, looking at the time, Baekhyun decided that he really should have insisted on driving Chanyeol here. He sighed heavily, leaning back against the marble pillar as his arm fell back to his side. Baekhyun inhaled deeply, letting his eyelids flutter shut and allowing the noise fade away as his thoughts grew louder.

What if Chanyeol was late? Or worse: what if Chanyeol decided not to come?

“Baekhyun!”

Baekhyun’s eyes flew open, immediately focusing on Chanyeol, looking sheepish right in front of him. Chanyeol offered a small smile, worrying the loose thread on the long sleeve of his plaid shirt. Baekhyun’s eyes wandered down Chanyeol’s jeans and at his worn out looking shoes before going back up. Chanyeol’s hair was a stylish mess meant to look like he just got out of bed, but Baekhyun had seen Chanyeol’s uncombed hair before and it did _not_ look like _that_.

It was only after a long minute of staring at each other that Baekhyun realised how awkward it was that he was obviously checking his friend out.

He coughed once to dispel the weird unsettling weight in his stomach, looking everywhere else but at Chanyeol. “You look— good. I mean, you look nice. Better than usual, I mean.”

Chanyeol chuckled, looking around while shrinking into himself, “I don’t know, I hope so. I mean, I feel kinda underdressed in here, to be honest.”

Baekhyun frowned, looking down at his formal and very expensive shirt and pants, complete with a pair of freshly shined shoes.

“You’re not underdressed. _I’m_ overdressed.”

Chanyeol gave Baekhyun a dry look before he noticed something, gesturing to his own neck.

“Your collar.” Chanyeol muttered, eyes fixated on Baekhyun’s shirt.

“My collar?” Baekhyun frowned, trying to look at his collar but finding the angle awkward. After a few seconds of fumbling about, Chanyeol stepped forward to help Baekhyun with it instead. Their hands brushed as Chanyeol leaned into Baekhyun’s personal space, straightening it out before looking back at him.

Baekhyun held his breath, but he could feel Chanyeol’s breath against his cheek. He was so close that Baekhyun could see the little lines that began to run along Chanyeol’s eyes, lines that came with age and hardship. Could see the blemishes on his face, could see the crack on his lips. All the imperfections that Baekhyun once thought badly of were now little pieces of Chanyeol that Baekhyun filed away in his memories, little pieces of Chanyeol that he didn’t want to forget.

He swallowed thickly, coughing to break the silence between them. They were still in public space, and he wasn’t sure what he would have said or done had they continued to stare at one another. Chanyeol understood, looking down shyly with a faint blush across his cheeks. When he finally looked back up, Chanyeol’s eyes twinkled with fondness and something else— something Baekhyun saw with increasing frequency, but something he was scared to say aloud.

“Shall we?” Chanyeol asked, a soft smile playing at the edge of his lips. Baekhyun found himself returning the same smile with ease, eyes narrowing as the smile grew wider on his face as he nodded.

Belatedly, he marveled at how easy it was to be happy around Chanyeol.

There was a short line at the entrance of the theatre, comprising people dressed to the nines in shined shoes and silk gowns and impeccably styled hair. Baekhyun made sure to put himself between them and Chanyeol, thinking that Chanyeol might have felt more comfortable if he wasn’t directly next to them.

Baekhyun offered Chanyeol a reassuring smile, patting his shoulder lightly.

The queue moved quickly, as everyone tapped their bracelets against the scanners which made beeps as it verified the tickets. There were ushers stationed next to the scanners, waiting for the scanner to verify the tickets before they gave out programme booklets with a welcoming smile. Instinctively, Baekhyun reached behind to hold lightly onto Chanyeol’s wrist, trying to show that Chanyeol was coming along with him.

When Baekhyun reached the scanner, he raised his wrist above the small window, waiting for a second before it beeped. He sighed inwardly before moving forward, only to realise that the ushers hadn’t made a move to give him a booklet. No, they weren’t even smiling at him. Instead of wishing him a pleasant evening, they looked hesitant and even _scared_. But it wasn’t him that they were looking at, it was at the interlinked hands.

More specifically, Chanyeol’s red bracelet.

The girl usher looked nervously at her colleague before she shuffled forward with her head bowed respectfully, stopping at Baekhyun’s side and leaning in to whisper. “Sir, I’m sorry to inform you that this is a gold and above-only show.”

Baekhyun blinked, and then again, staring at her in a daze before the words sinked in.

“This wasn’t written in the tickets.” Baekhyun said.

Surprise flashed in the girl’s eyes. She took a step back, gathering her words. “Sir, all performances are gold and above-only.” she explained evenly, “Greens and below were never allowed by the System to watch anything.”

“What? No. No!” Baekhyun muttered, voice rising in volume. As the words began to take hold in his head, anger began to wash through him like the first wave in a storm, a foreboding warning of what was coming. His grip on Chanyeol’s wrist tightened, causing the taller man to wince in pain. “Since when was such blatant and pointless discrimination allowed? I paid for those tickets, which didn’t explicitly state who is and isn’t allowed in.”

“Sir, please calm down—”

“How do you expect me to be calm when I’m basically being told to get out when I’ve already paid for the tickets?”

And the waves were rising.

“Sir, you don’t have to leave. But,” the girl cast a look in Chanyeol’s direction, “I’m afraid that the rules are rules.”

“This is fucking bullshit! How can you— how _dare_ you try to impose such stupid, baseless rules that—”

“Sir, if you’ll just—”

And the waves were gaining momentum, and it built, and built, and _built—_

“Don’t _touch_ me! I want to speak to someone about this, I want to— I want to lodge a complaint to your management about this—”

“Baekhyun,” a calm, collected voice pierced through the air like a sharp knife. Baekhyun fell silent immediately, turning around slightly to look at Chanyeol shaking his head at him. “stop.”

—And it became too big to sustain itself, collapsing eventually, folding inwards into a whirlpool and a maelstrom of wave crests crashing one into the other, leaving disrupted ripples and a cacophony of splashes in its wake.

“Chanyeol—”

“Please, Baekhyun. Please stop.” Chanyeol begged, shutting his eyes tightly, his voice falling so softly that it was barely audible, barely a breath. In that moment, Baekhyun glanced around the room and realising with dread that they had become the center of attention, that everyone was staring at them with disdain and contempt, murmurs rising as the silence drew on. In that moment, Baekhyun realised that the redness on Chanyeol’s face had nothing to do with happiness, and everything to do with shame.

“Let’s just go. _Please_.”

There was a slight waver in his otherwise collected tone, so minute that it would have been lost on any other person. But Baekhyun wasn’t any other person— he was Chanyeol’s friend, and he was supposed to protect his friend.

He failed.

“Okay.” Baekhyun nodded solemnly, following Chanyeol out and returned the hostile looks he received with his own, desperately trying to fight back the feeling of his gut twisting and churning and trying to fold itself inside out. He felt sick to his core. He was angry, and disgusted, and tired. Angry that society shut out the people who worked the hardest, angry that people refused to listen to reason, but above all, he was angriest at his own inability to change a thing.

Baekhyun walked quickly behind Chanyeol, but found himself still falling short of what was needed to close the distance between them. Never before had Chanyeol used his long legs to widen the gap between them like this. Chanyeol was always the one falling back, letting Baekhyun set the pace for whatever walks they had. Now Baekhyun realised that Chanyeol could easily have made Baekhyun uncomfortable whenever they were out together, but always chose to give Baekhyun the freedom to be comfortable. And being on the other side for the first time, Baekhyun was stunned by how hard he had to try to catch up.

“Chanyeol, wait!” Baekhyun called out, slightly breathless from the cold air in his lungs and the light dusting of snow that made walking quickly a challenge. Chanyeol, however, did not seem to hear it. Baekhyun tried again, almost slipping when he started into a light jog. “Wait for me, Chanyeol!”

Finally, Chanyeol stopped abruptly just in front of the frozen lake a ways from the theatre. The area surrounding the lake was empty due to the cold weather, making the already big area look even bigger and desolate.

“Hey, what’s the matter?”

There was a moment of quiet between them before Chanyeol turned around fully, with his lips twisted and a deep line between his eyebrows. Something unpleasant swirled in Chanyeol’s eyes, something Baekhyun came to recognise as anger, bitterness and shame.

Chanyeol threw his arms up halfway in frustration, “Really? What’s the matter?” he ran a hand down his face quickly, looking elsewhere as if the sight of Baekhyun only pissed him off further. “Alright— I’ll tell you what’s ‘the matter’: it was you, causing an unnecessary commotion. _That’s_ the matter.”

After a long minute, Baekhyun understood— Chanyeol wasn’t angry at the staff, at the people, he was angry at _Baekhyun_.

“Are you—“ Baekhyun panted softly, “are you _angry_? At _me_?”

There was a further downward tug on Chanyeol’s lips. “Wow, was that difficult to guess?”

“Why? Why aren’t you angry at them? Why are you—”

“Because it wasn’t your battle to fight, Baekhyun!” Chanyeol yelled, curling his hands into fists by his side. Baekhyun clamped his mouth shut at once, stepping back involuntarily.

Somewhere in his heart, something tore and tore and _tore_.

“I don’t—” Baekhyun’s voice quivered, dropping in volume, “I don’t understand..”

“It wasn’t your place to fight, Baekhyun. You had no right to do what you did. I didn’t need you to come in and try to fight on my behalf. Don’t you get it, Baek? There was absolutely nothing that you could do that could change anything.”

Oh, Baekhyun had found that out by himself, but it didn’t hurt any less to hear the words coming out of Chanyeol’s mouth.

“You know, they were being very polite in telling you that I couldn’t enter. And you know another thing? Before you went ahead and argued with them, no one even noticed my colour. No one looked at me a second time, no one saw this fucking red piece of shit until you started to argue with the staff. So you know what? It was totally uncalled for, but you went ahead and argued anyway, thinking it was for me, but it wasn’t for my sake, Baekhyun— it was for _you_.”

What?

“What? Wait, _what_? You think I did that for me?”

“Am I supposed to believe that you did it for me?”

“Fuck you, Park Chanyeol.” Baekhyun spat out viciously. All the hurt and all the anger was now curling into something visceral and ugly inside of him, waiting to bite and be set free. “Just— fuck you. You think I really do all these for me? I’ve been doing all these for you! You think I enjoy watching you come back to me with bruises and cuts all over? You think I enjoy sitting around in comfort, knowing that you’re somewhere labouring under the elements? You think I haven’t been trying to find ways to cheer you up? Why do you think I even bother, Chanyeol? You think anyone else would give a fuck about what a red thinks? How a red feels? Who else would care about you, if not me?”

“Well, no one asked, Baekhyun!” Chanyeol’s voice boomed, “I never asked to be your charity case. That isn’t altruism, that is pity, and I don’t want your pity. If this is all this is to you, then you can take it all back and shove it.”

“You think this is just _pity_ to me?”

“Isn’t it? Wasn’t that what you just said? What else could it be, if not pity?” Chanyeol stepped forward angrily, raising his chin despite the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “A _platinum_ spending, devoting his time and energy to a _red_? Who would believe that this can be anything _but_ pity?”

Baekhyun stomped forward in frustration, violently shoving Chanyeol’s chest with his palms. The shock caused the taller man to stumble backward, almost losing his balance on the slippery pavement under their feet.

“You know what? You’re right, Chanyeol. I don’t know why I bother with you. If you think this is all out of pity, then you’re sorely mistaken. I don’t know what to say— there’s nothing to say, and I think I’m done.” Baekhyun hissed.

Baekhyun stalked off immediately, not caring what else Chanyeol has left to say. Trudging through the snow with a headache and a heavy heart, Baekhyun fought back his own tears, eventually wiping a stray tear or two on the sleeve of his shirt. As soon as he tapped the car and the engine roared to life, Baekhyun screamed, banging the steering wheel with his fists, not caring if a few hits landed on the horn. The rage continued to sweep through him, keeping his muscles taut and heart pounding in his chest. He wanted to throw something fragile across the carpark and watch it shatter, he wanted to punch something and watch it fall apart, he wanted to feel something else than the deep, deep pain of Chanyeol’s words.

“Fuck!” Baekhyun shouted.

Was that really all Chanyeol thought Baekhyun saw this as? Was there really no point in trying to pursue this?

Slowly, the anger began to wash out, replaced by something so big, yet so hollow, that it felt like he was being emptied on the inside. It was filling him up, but he could not feel a thing beyond the helplessness, the suffocation.

What did Chanyeol see him as? How did Chanyeol really feel about him?

One by one, tears started falling, but Baekhyun could not feel a thing.

Baekhyun continued to read the paper in front of him resolutely, not even glancing up when Minseok had put down the 2 usual boxes of lunch.

“I’m not going out today, there’s too much to do. But you can take that to Chanyeol.” Baekhyun muttered testily. He fully expected Minseok to comply— as he always did— and so he was caught off guard when more than a minute later, he could still feel Minseok’s unmoving presence across the table.

Slowly, he tilted his head upwards, finding Minseok standing across with arms folded across his chest and an expectant but unimpressed brow raised.

“Why are you still standing here?” Baekhyun asked slowly, cautiously. There was a twitch in Minseok’s eye. Oh, oh, now he was irritated.

“Director Byun,” Minseok said with sarcasm dripping off every word, “I couldn’t help but notice that you have been reading the same page since an hour ago, when I came in to take your order for lunch. I also couldn’t help but notice that— since it is part of my job— you have absolutely no meetings planned in the afternoon, neither do you have anything urgent to attend to.”

Well, fuck.

“So I can’t help but wonder why it is that the Director is choosing to busy himself with work that does not require his attention during his usual lunch hour, and asking his personal assistant to meet his friend instead.”

Baekhyun glared at Minseok, who narrowed his eyes in return.

“Fine.” Baekhyun huffed, throwing his pen down on the table without care. “We are fighting— Chanyeol and I. We fought last night.”

“At the musical?”

“Before the musical. Fuck, I need a drink for this.” Baekhyun stood up from his seat and walked towards the cabinet at the side of his office, fishing for the bottle of scotch he kept for moments like this. Minseok spun around in the same spot.

“It’s noon.”

“And it’s been a pretty shit day, already. I think I deserve this.”

“Baekhyun,” Minseok said, “what happened?”

“Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing happened.” Baekhyun mumbled, pouring out the brown liquid that sloshed angrily in the glass. “We met up and got kicked out of the theatre because of some bullshit reason they cooked up on the damn spot, and then Chanyeol— if you can fucking believe it— gets angry at _me_ for trying to argue with the staff.”

He downed the liquor quickly, wincing at the burn in his throat.

“Says that it wasn’t in my place to fight for him, says that I couldn’t change a damn thing even if I tried. What the hell was that about? And now he thinks that I’m doing all this because I pity him. Because I _pity_ him.”

“Well, don’t you?”

Baekhyun looked up sharply, glaring at Minseok.

“I’m not saying that you’re doing all this only because you pity him. No, it’s definitely more complicated than that, but you can’t deny that there is some degree of pity in there.” Minseok looked down, arranging the scattered papers on the table as he spoke gently, like a mother explaining the world to her child, “I think that there was more to it than Chanyeol wanted to tell you. It wasn’t just anger at you, Baekhyun, he was angry at himself. I think that a deep part of this was born from the shame of being a red.”

“S-Shame?” Baekhyun stuttered incredulously, “What does that have to do with pity?”

“It has everything to do with pity.” Minseok sighed, “Baekhyun, I know that you usually avoid talking about classes and the differences between you and him when you talk to me about him. But I think that it’s time for you to stop avoiding the elephant in the room: you’re a platinum, and he’s a red. And if you’re serious about your feelings for him, then you should start to confront this.”

Baekhyun tore his eyes away from Minseok’s back. He clenched his hands and unclenched it as he breathed in and out, trying to ignore the ice creeping into his veins, the way his lungs began to constrict in his chest.

“I’m not saying that it’s easy for you, but you have to consider how he must feel to be a red in a world that condemns them. The humiliation they endure, the insecurity they deal with, the shame they bear when they are forced to wear the red bracelets every waking day.” Minseok looked out of the window before he looked over his shoulder, offering a tight smile.

Baekhyun’s eyes were burning, and his throat was blocked with something that couldn’t be swallowed.

“It’s not fair.”

“Yeah, it really isn’t.” Minseok shook his head in agreement. A strand of hair fell from his neatly combed back hair, swaying along with the movements of his head. “The sad part is that it has never been fair for them. When we grow up, we think that the Exam is a fair starting point for everyone, when really, the starting point was drawn generations and generations ago.”

His smile turned sad now, almost pained, looking beyond Baekhyun into a memory that couldn’t be shared.

“If you’re really serious about this, then you’ll need to embrace the fact that this is all you’ll ever have.”

Chanyeol came to him a few nights later. He was sitting at the front of Baekhyun’s office building with his head between his knees, hair matted to his skin and shirt dusted in shades of black and yellow. Upon hearing the soft pattering of Baekhyun’s footsteps stop a distance away, Chanyeol raised his head tiredly, and Baekhyun could see the age in his eyes, the weariness of his soul through the windows he left open.

“Hey,” Chanyeol smiled through the exhaustion, “can we talk?”

Baekhyun nodded weakly, gesturing for Chanyeol to lead the way.

This time when Baekhyun trailed after Chanyeol, it was a measured pace that he fell into easily. Chanyeol kept his strides short, keeping his hands in his pockets and his chin tucked into the scarf wrapped loosely around his neck. Even though everything about his body language was relaxed, Baekhyun could see the tautness between the supposedly easy swing of his arms, the stiffness in the spring in his step.

Baekhyun let his eyes wander down to the footprints left by Chanyeol’s heavy shoes, down to the gray snow that gradually grew whiter as they walked farther into a quieter part of the residential park. He let his feet shuffle awkwardly in the snow, not caring about the way that snow clung to the edges of his shoes, the cold seeping in despite the layers he was wearing.

Chanyeol stopped walking without warning, causing Baekhyun to bump into his side.

“Oof.” Baekhyun cried, rubbing his nose. “Why’d you stop?”

“It’s frozen.” Chanyeol murmured.

“What?” Baekhyun asked, turning to look at what got Chanyeol in such a trance.

“The river— it’s frozen.”

Now Baekhyun was really looking. The river that he was so used to hearing in the background was frozen solid, white streaks stretching across the dark surface like a broken vase that was mended imperfectly. The bald trees lining the river only highlighted the vacantness of it all— the lack of life, the sombreness hanging in the air like a stale stench. There was so little resemblance to the place Baekhyun always passed by, but this was the same place, nonetheless. Just a lot emptier, a lot quieter, very different but one and the same.

A bitter kind of nostalgia tugged on Baekhyun’s heart.

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol said, still looking at the river. Baekhyun looked at his friend, watched the way he pursed his lips, hands fidgeting nervously in his pockets. But he remained silent, waiting for Chanyeol to finish what he had to say. “I’m sorry for a lot of things, but I want to apologise for losing my temper at you the other night. I was the one that had no right to yell at you the way that I did. I know that you were only trying to defend me, and I’m sorry that I took it the wrong way.”

Chanyeol’s apologising, but Baekhyun didn’t feel happy at all.

There was a cutting breeze that blew between them, making Chanyeol shiver. Baekhyun looked down at his shoes, at the white snow, blowing out a warm puff of air.

“No, I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Those words I said— I didn’t mean them.” Baekhyun licked his lips which were cracking at the side, “But it doesn’t matter whether or not I meant them, I still said them anyway. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

Chanyeol shrugged, “I hurt you, too.”

Baekhyun nodded. Chanyeol sighed, rubbing his eyes.

“What I want to say is that— I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. I was just pissed at myself, you know?” Baekhyun peered up curiously, Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun and seemed to shrink into himself, “I guess that I was pissed because it sucked that I couldn’t even— I couldn’t.” Another sigh, “I couldn’t even accompany you to watch a _musical_ , like a normal person. And I guess it sucked that it was thrown in my face again. ‘You’re not like everyone else, because you’re lesser’ stuff like that. It sucks. And it sucks that I let myself forget that.”

“Chanyeol..” Baekhyun warned.

“No— listen. I mean, I’ve grown up my whole life expecting this, hell I’ve been _treated_ like this by literally everyone else _but_ you. And that’s the thing, Baek: you make it easy for me to forget who I am, _what_ I am. And I was pissed because I forgot and it hurt to remember again.”

Baekhyun fell silent, but his heart, god, it hurt.

“You make it so easy for me to be someone else. I’m not Park Chanyeol the red when I’m with you. I don’t know who I am when you’re around, but I like being him. I wish that I could be him all the time, but I’m not around only you all the time. The difference is like falling from heaven to hell.” Chanyeol stepped forward, clasping Baekhyun’s hands between his own, running his thumbs over Baekhyun’s knuckles tenderly, “I don’t know who I am around you, but I really like being that person.” he repeated over a breath.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Don’t you see?”

Chanyeol met his stare with confusion. “See what?”

“You’re still Park Chanyeol, and I honestly don’t care whether you’re a red, or a green. You could be any damn colour and you’ll still be the same Park Chanyeol that I know.”

“Even if I’m no longer me?” Chanyeol asked casually, but Baekhyun could see the fear written on his face. Baekhyun nodded as convincingly as he could.

“Even if you’re no longer you.”

The tension in Chanyeol’s shoulder faded away with that, and his smile finally reached his eyes. For the first time, Baekhyun was acutely aware of how much he loved seeing it.

“You know, the river’s frozen.” Chanyeol began.

“And?”

“I’ve always wanted to try ice skating on a frozen body of water.” Chanyeol grinned at him, “Skate with me?”

“We don’t have skates.”

“Do we really need skates?” Chanyeol laughed, grabbing onto Baekhyun’s hand in one swift movement and pulling him towards the river. Honestly, he didn’t need to— Baekhyun knew that he would have followed Chanyeol anyway.

Finding foot on the ice was a harder task than Baekhyun initially thought it would be, especially when Chanyeol was always sliding every minute or two, taking him down with their hands their clasped together.

“You’re like Bambi on ice or something.” Baekhyun called, squatting down next to Chanyeol and playfully pushing his friend with a finger.

“I actually really like Bambi, so I’ll take it as a compliment.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, getting up before offering a hand to Chanyeol who smiled gratefully. This time, Baekhyun was the one leading them, shuffling his feet just enough to slide and pull Chanyeol along. They did this for minutes, squealing every time they came too close to losing their balance and laughing when they ended up on the ice again. It was a magical feeling to be so happy with someone, that even the simplest things brought that much joy. In such a complicated world, it was the most magical thing to find someone who was there just because it was you— nothing more, nothing less, but more than enough.

The clouds began to clear as the night drew on, and the night sky became more visible. The stars twinkled like children giggling at their antics, like performers giving them a preview of their debut show, like the endless possibilities that the world had to offer, not yet realised.

“It reminds me of the view from your place, maybe what the night view could’ve looked like. Maybe even better.”

Baekhyun hummed in agreement, drawing his knees to his chest as his breaths came out in little puffs of warm air.

“They look so small from here, but _we’re_ actually the tiny ones. Makes you wonder just how big the universe is.”

“Infinitely.” Chanyeol replied immediately, hopefully, “Infinitely, infinitely big.”

“Infinitely.” Baekhyun agreed, casting a glance at Chanyeol. His friend stared at the sky in open wonder, mouth agape while he leaned his weight on his palms, legs outstretched in front of him. The stars reflected in his eyes, and it looked almost as though they were in his eyes instead.

And then Chanyeol caught Baekhyun’s look. But instead of turning away, Chanyeol held the stare, waiting, beckoning Baekhyun to say whatever was on his mind.

Distantly, Baekhyun could hear the light flutter of a bird’s wings as it landed on the trees, could hear the soft calling of the wind, the soft lines that ran along the surface of the ice. He could feel the curiosity in Chanyeol’s gaze, the cool air turning into something more heated, the blood beginning to rush through his veins.

There was something about the moment that felt like it would slip from between his grasp if he had just missed it.

Missed what?

“I—” Baekhyun said with uncertainty, hesitating on his words, “I—”

The moment was slipping, slipping, slipping—

“I think that I like you, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun whispered slowly, feeling his heart break with the weight of the words. “I— I think that I like you, I think that I _really_ like you, Yeol.”

The smile fell off Chanyeol’s face as realisation set in.

“You like me? Why?”

“Come on, man. I just confessed to you, don’t make a man have to explain his feelings. That’s cruel.” Baekhyun said half heartedly, trying to find the strength to smile through the hammering of his heart and the tight feeling in his chest.

“No— Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way—”

“You’re not the only one who likes who you are, when you’re with someone else.” Baekhyun interrupted, “You make me happy to be me, too. I don’t think I ever realised how simple being happy could be, but you make me happy.”

“Happy?”

“Happy to be alive, to be where I am, to be me. Happy. Contented. Like it’s enough to just be me and still be good enough.”

A sad, regretful kind of smile began to grow on Chanyeol’s lips. It wasn’t hope in his eyes, either.

“You’ll always be good enough, Baekhyun. Always.”

Baekhyun’s smile wavered as Chanyeol looked away, back at the sky. This time, the night sky didn’t seem as bright as it was mere moments ago. They seemed a bit dull now, like as if someone had taken a translucent blanket and covered the sky with it.

“You know, Baekhyun, I always wondered for years where we would be if a parallel world where the System doesn’t exist, existed.”

Baekhyun furrowed his brows, waiting patiently for Chanyeol to explain himself.

“I wondered, if in that world, we would have met elsewhere. If we _ever_ met. It’s a curious thing, isn’t it?”

“And what do you think?”

Chanyeol’s gaze travelled to Baekhyun, and he offered a weak smile but no words escaped his lips. It was a mysteriously sad smile, as if the answer was obvious to everyone but Baekhyun. As if it was something that Baekhyun wasn’t trying hard enough to understand, maybe wasn’t able to understand until much later on in life. He could feel his chest grow tighter, but for reasons unknown to himself.

 

 

It wasn’t until much later that Baekhyun realised that Chanyeol never said it back.

 

 

“What’re you thinking of?”

Baekhyun snapped out of his reverie, twirling around in his chair to face Minseok, carrying two boxes of food in his arms. Almost a year ago, Baekhyun would have denied thinking about anything, brush it off and tell Minseok to go away. Now, he couldn’t be bothered to go about it in a roundabout way.

“Have you ever been in love, Minseok?”

Minseok froze on the spot for a split second before shooting Baekhyun a look between _what the fuck?_ and _are you fucking kidding me?_

“A long time ago.” Minseok replied with slight reluctance, unloaded the boxes carefully as he eyed Baekhyun with interest, “Why the sudden question?”

Baekhyun shrugged a nonchalant shoulder, “Did you ever see a future with your partner back then?”

Minseok sighed, long and suffering. He stepped around the table to stand by Baekhyun’s side, folding his arms behind his back as he looked at the thin dusting of snow on the damp ground below, where most of the ice have melted into small puddles near the side of the road. “A very long time ago. Yes, I did.”

“Well, what happened?”

“Life happened.” Minseok gave Baekhyun a mirthless smile that broke his heart. For a brief moment, Baekhyun saw the age in his friend’s eyes, the weary soul that peered out from within that wasn’t quite ready to give up, but no longer able to pick itself up again. Not for the first time, Baekhyun wondered what his friend had seen and experienced in his life to be able to carry such pain with a smile. Just as quickly as it had come, it was gone and Baekhyun was once again thrown out of the door he managed to peek into. Minseok straightened his back as he walked away. “You should get going— winter may be ending but your lunch will still get cold.”

Minseok’s words lingered in Baekhyun’s mind long after the man had left. The look in his friend’s eyes haunted his memory as he waited for Chanyeol under the shelter. The trees no longer snuggled under the thick blanket of snow, instead they looked disheveled and lonely as they stood alone under the dreary sky, sad and abandoned. The area was still colder than it would be for a nice walk, and Baekhyun only encountered one red taking a midday nap along the way.

He sighed to himself, rubbing his bare hands against each other to generate some warmth in them.

Checking his wristwatch, he realised that Chanyeol had been ten minutes later than usual. Strange, but understandable— he could have been held back at work, or maybe he was on his way already. Baekhyun shrugged it off as he poured out a hot cup of tea from the flask he brought along, blowing at it before sipping cautiously.

When his tea began to cool enough for him to sip it without blowing it first, Baekhyun checked his watch again. Another ten minutes had passed by now. This time, Baekhyun’s stomach began to sink with worry. Where was Chanyeol? Did he slip on his way? Was he still at work? Was he even working? But he would always let Baekhyun know beforehand when he was taking his offday, and Chanyeol hadn’t said anything about today. So he had to be coming soon, right?

But another ten turned to twenty, and then into thirty. It was at the forty minute mark that Baekhyun capped the flask and, with a stiff body and glaringly clear head, realised that Chanyeol wasn’t going to turn up today.

As he settled back in his office, he threw a box into his bag and left the other on the table in case he got hungry later in the day— although he doubted it, since his appetite had all but vanished by now. He was worried, angry, confused, but above all he was devastated.

When Minseok knocked on the door and entered, Baekhyun straightened himself with a wavering smile.

“How was your lunch?” Minseok asked, looking pointedly at the untouched box on the table. Baekhyun feigned his laughter.

“I wasn’t feeling too good today, so I didn’t eat lunch. I had tea, though.”

Minseok’s expression became worried now, “Are you ill? Do you want to take the rest of the day off. I can—”

“No, no. It’s fine.” Baekhyun interrupted firmly, ignoring the concerned look directed at him, “It’s going to be fine.” he repeated to himself.

 

 

But the next day came and went, and so did the next after that, and so on. But Chanyeol never showed up again, and every day Baekhyun walked back to his office with two full sets of lunch and a daunting realisation that Chanyeol was never going to show up ever again.

The sun began to rise higher in the sky that grew clearer by the day, and the birds began to chirp on the branches of the barren trees again, but it felt like winter had never left Baekhyun’s heart.

 

 

Baekhyun had stopped counting the days, maybe even weeks by now, that he had last seen Chanyeol. It was easier to let himself pretend that there was never anything to begin with, than to admit that there may have been something that went wrong somewhere down the line. The problem was that with Chanyeol missing, he would never find out what exactly happened, he would never be given a second chance to remedy the situation. And it hurt more than Baekhyun would like to admit. So he pretended that everything was as it was— he went to work at 9 in the morning every day, he took his lunch and sat alone in the same spot once shared by two, and he left the office punctually, taking enough alcohol at home to get a nice buzz going, enough to forget the growing longing he had for the same kind of intimacy he shared with Chanyeol.

If Minseok had noticed anything, he kept it to himself— something that Baekhyun was infinitely grateful for. Having to say it to himself was excruciating enough, he wasn’t sure if he could explain it to others.

Living in his own bubble was nice while it lasted. There, he could pretend that things were still the same as before, and there in his dreams, Chanyeol was still smiling at him with a little spark in his eyes that made his heart flutter. But it came to an abrupt end on an unsuspecting night where Baekhyun was ready to call a cab after a work function where he had taken one too many drinks.

Looking down at his feet to make sure that he didn’t trip on himself, Baekhyun had nearly missed the reticent young man sitting at the edge of the steps.

“Mr. Byun!” a deep voice called from behind. Baekhyun stopped in midstep, looking over his shoulder slowly. With his mind in a haze, it took awhile for Baekhyun to place the man. It was Kyungsoo, of all people, walking to Baekhyun with a mix of worry and.. What, pity?

“Kyungsoo? Chanyeol’s bunkmate?” Baekhyun’s words slurred slightly. The aftertaste of Chanyeol’s name was bitter on his tongue.

“Yeah, that’s me.” Kyungsoo smiled politely, almost clinical in how little expression or feeling was conveyed in it. Baekhyun frowned.

“Well, what’re you doing here? Are you waiting for someone?”

“Yeah, well,” Kyungsoo averted his stare, speaking to the ground, “I’m looking for you, actually.”

“Me? Why?”

Kyungsoo glanced up so quickly that Baekhyun wondered if it was just a figment of his imagination, before he slowly pulled up a crumpled piece of paper, folded neatly into thirds, from his pocket. With unsteady hands, Kyungsoo held it out for Baekhyun to take it.

“I was told very specifically to give this to you today.” was the only explanation that Baekhyun got. Baekhyun looked critically at the paper, then back at Kyungsoo.

“Who’s this from?” Baekhyun asked slowly, carefully, as he plucked the paper from Kyungsoo’s grasp. Kyungsoo flashed a dry smile, but declined to answer. It wasn’t needed, anyway. There was only one mutual friend between them, and only one person that had vanished without a word.

Kyungsoo pushed his hands back into his pockets and squared his shoulders. “I should be going now. My ride is coming in a few minutes.”

Baekhyun nodded dumbly. Kyungsoo flashed him another tight smile. “Are you going to be okay?”

No, not really, Baekhyun thought. “Yeah, think so.” he says instead.

Kyungsoo nodded back, giving Baekhyun’s shoulder a reassuring pat as he walked by. The soft sounds of feet dragging against the floor came to a halt a few seconds after.

“You’re a good man, Mr. Byun.” Kyungsoo said, “Take care of yourself.”

Baekhyun waited until the footsteps faded in the distance before he let himself look at the letter again. Suddenly, the fog in his mind had cleared with a disturbing clarity that made him very aware of the creases on the paper, of the weight of it in his palms. Suddenly, it was as if all the noise in the background had disappeared, as if every stranger in the nearby vicinity had never been there. Everything else had fallen away, except for the letter.

With a heavy heart, Baekhyun went back to his office. He hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights, instead he sat down on the chair behind his desk, gripping onto the letter more tightly than needed. The paper twisted in his hold, making sounds of protest as he clutched tighter onto it. His heart was racing and he could feel every beat of it as if it was a drum, and every minute that crawled by made him feel as if there was something lodged in his throat that kept growing in size. His mouth went dry as his palms grew sweatier. He felt hyperaware of everything around him, just as he was focusing only on his thoughts.

This time, there was no more running away. He wanted answers, and they arrived neatly at his footsteps.

He closed his eyes and counted in tens, steadying his breathing before he opened his eyes again. With shaky hands, he unfolded the letter.

_Dear Baekhyun,_

_I’m writing this letter for a lot of reasons, mostly because by the time that this reaches you I probably wouldn’t be here anymore. Well, not me as you know ‘me’ anyway. But you’d probably have guessed it already, haven’t you? I decided to go for the Correction in the end, and there’s a lot of things that I want to say but the most important thing is that I’m sorry._

_I’m sorry for a lot of things, Baekhyun. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the person that you wanted me to be, I’m sorry that we couldn’t do a lot of things because of me, I’m sorry that we could never go anywhere because of me, I’m sorry that I could never give you what you wanted, I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry for so many things, and I know that they hurt you. I’m sorry for all of them. It wasn’t ever my intention to hurt you, but you should know by now that there was never going to be an easy out for us. There wasn’t going to be a day that we woke up to where everything would suddenly be okay, where there was going to be a future we could walk down together. Between the both of us, we always knew that there was going to be a line that I couldn’t cross with you as a red. So I chose the path that would be easier on the both of us, and although I feel bad about it, I don’t regret my choice. I hope you won’t be too angry at me for this._

_The thing about the Correction is that it doesn’t only offer a second chance for someone like me, but it gives you the opportunity to move on as well. Everything that you have done for me, I know, was done out of love. But it shouldn’t have to be this way. You shouldn’t have to keep looking out for me, taking care of me, fighting for me. You worked so hard to have this life, Baekhyun, you should be spending it with someone who can reciprocate all your love and efforts._

_But in spite of how things ended, meeting you was the happiest and most fortunate thing that has happened to me in this life. I always thought a lot about parallel worlds because I wanted to believe that in another world, there would be another me and another you that met. Maybe not in the same circumstances, but always walking down the same journey together. Of falling in love. I would like to think that such a world exists, Baek. And I would like to think that we met, I would like to think that in that world, we had the opportunities to try the things we can never imagine of doing here. And in that world, I would do anything to make you the happiest man in the world. But that is in that world, and this is now, where all I can offer is unending sadness. The least I could do is to end that stream of pain for you._

_I never answered your confession, this is my answer: I did love you in this life, Baekhyun. You are like the moon in my endless night. But I wanted you to move on. So please forget that such a person existed and live your life happily. You deserve everything, please never forget that._

_Chanyeol_

There was a time in his life that Baekhyun thought that he had exhausted all his tears. There were only so much tears a person could cry in his lifetime, and he truly believed that every drop of it was spent mourning for his brother. But who knew that tears, much like pain, was never ending and could cut in so many different ways? It wasn’t the same pain he experienced grieving for his brother, but it was equally layered, equally deep. It was like a drop of ink in a large body of clear water that tainted, spread across the area until everything was dark and murky.

He had loved, but it wasn’t enough. He had hoped, but it wasn’t enough. Years and years of trying his best, but it still wasn’t enough for someone to stay.

“You stupid idiot.” Baekhyun choked out ugly sobs, wiping his tears against his sleeves to no avail. “You never asked if I was happy. Everyone did, but why didn’t you?”

Illuminated only by the light in the city’s skyline, Baekhyun cried. And he cried, and cried.

Indeed, tears, like pain, were never ending.

Minseok came to the office in the early morning as he usually does to get everything ready for Baekhyun when he comes in for work. It was, therefore, very surprising to see his friend sitting at the foot of his desk with puffy red eyes and dried tear tracks on his face.

“Baekhyun?” Minseok said in disbelief, slowly stooping down to get a better look at his friend. God, Baekhyun looked awful. Not only was his face a mess, but so much his hair and clothes, as if the man had spent all night running his hand through his hair, as if he had thrashed around all night and crumpled his clothes.

Baekhyun let his sight wander slowly to Minseok.

“What’re you doing here? Did you even go home last night?”

Baekhyun closed his eyes quietly, taking in an even breath as he opened them. There was almost no expression inside them, just a sea of numbness. “I’m watching the sunrise.” he croaked out, voice shattered by the night of crying.

Minseok’s eyes nearly bulged out. “Why are you watching the sunrise? You should’ve been resting at home. Come on, I’ll fetch you—”

“He loved the sunrise better than the sunset.” Baekhyun spoke again, voice breaking at the end of his sentence, “Someone has to remember it now that he isn’t here anymore.”

“What? Who?” Minseok asked incredulously before noticing a letter by Baekhyun’s side, slightly torn and mostly crumpled, but otherwise dry without a single smudge. Suddenly, it all made sense.

“Oh, Baekhyun.” Minseok cried softly.

“Look, it’s starting.” Baekhyun whispered brokenly.

Minseok turned around just enough to see the beginnings of the sun, peeking out from behind the crowds of skyscrapers a distance away. The bright light reflected off the edges of the buildings, and the orange light chased away the shadows lingering on the streets. In a dazed fashion, the sky started to warm up with dull hues of orange seeping into the blue, mixing like a watercolour canvas. The office started to brighten up as the light infiltrated the room, bringing to light all that was hidden.

“It’s lovely, isn’t it?” Baekhyun said. This time when Minseok looked again, it was easier to see the wetness of Baekhyun’s eyes, holding back unshed tears, the slight swell of his lips, the tiredness on his face. When Baekhyun looked to Minseok for affirmation, the confusion and brokenness in there shattered something in Minseok.

“Oh, Baekhyun.” Minseok pulled Baekhyun in for a long hug, gently smoothing out the tangles in his friend’s hair. “Yes, it is. It’s lovely.”

 

 

He doesn’t know how many weeks or months it has been. All Baekhyun can say is that it has been long enough for the burning pain to eventually subside into something smaller, like a small flame you forget was there. Occasionally, the thought crosses his mind and he finds himself looking back at raw memories that still sting quite a bit, but never quite with the same vivacity.

That doesn’t stop him from wanting to drink away his sadness from time to time, though.

Sitting at the corner of the company bar, waiting out yet another uneventful function, Baekhyun finds that alcohol can sometimes be the best way to pass the time. It makes everything that isn’t interesting, interesting. It makes his bad mood dissipate into something more malleable. It makes him feel something through the numbness, the layers upon layers of ashes.

He tips his empty glass at the bartender, whom he’s gotten quite acquainted with over the last few months. The bartender nods with a knowing smile, turning away to prepare another drink for Baekhyun. He doesn’t know what it might be— he likes to be surprised.

Just as the bartender slides the glass into Baekhyun’s waiting hands, someone else slides into the vacant seat next to him. This irritates him a little— with how many empty other seats there are, Baekhyun wonders why the man couldn’t just sit elsewhere. He ignores the unwelcome guest as he takes a sip of his new drink with a wince, it was a bit too bitter for his liking.

“Woah, with how much you’re drinking, I can’t tell if you’re trying to get high tonight or to nurse a heartbreak.” the voice calls out mockingly. This time, Baekhyun turns an eye to this guest and much to his unpleasant surprise, finds Junmyeon smirking down at him. Baekhyun rolls his eyes, annoyed. But Junmyeon ignores this, scanning his platinum bracelet against the scanner in the table before nodding at the bartender, making his order. “You know, interestingly, I _did_ hear something about you not too long ago. What was it about?” Junmyeon taps his chin, faking a thought, “Ah, was it something about _you_? With a red? Trying to do some charity?”

Baekhyun swirls his drink once, eyeing the liquid instead of rising to the bait.

Junmyeon leans closer to Baekhyun, “Why so quiet, Director? From what I’ve heard, you do seem to be quite aggressive in engaging in arguments.” a dramatic pause, “Unless it’s true— the rumours, I mean.”

The bartender returns with a glass for Junmyeon, something dark with no ice inside.

“Well, since you seem to hear a lot, haven’t you heard of this thing called _minding your own goddamn business_?”

Junmyeon barked out a laugh, “Ooh, hit a nerve did I?”

And that was it, Baekhyun was done. He downed the remaining alcohol in a go before jumping out of his seat, throwing his sweater over his arm as he left.

“Hey, don’t go, I was just saying it. It’s a _joke_.”

Suddenly, Baekhyun stopped in his tracks. He twirled around to face Junmyeon with a look of disbelief, mouth opening and closing and trying to think of something to _appropriate_ to say. But, really, _fuck_ appropriate.

“You,” Baekhyun began, marching right back to Junmyeon, “you. _You_ , fucking imbecile.”

Junmyeon raised a condescending brow.

“You know, I used to think that you were just stuck up, arrogant and downright obnoxious,” Baekhyun pointed at Junmyeon, “but you know, now I think that you’re just a sad sack of shit. You know, at least I can say that I’m trying to make a difference for other people, trying to improve their lives. But what have you done? All you’ve ever cared about is yourself. You think that you’re above everyone, you think that everyone adores you and worships the shit you walk on. But look around you, Junmyeon.” Baekhyun threw his hands out, gesturing to the rest of the room, oblivious to their scuffle, “No one gives a fuck about you.”

There was a twisted kind of satisfaction in watching Junmyeon’s smug look fall right off. It shouldn’t feel so good to be so mean, but for once in his life, it felt good to finally shut down the people who belittled him.

Baekhyun couldn’t help the little upward tug on his lip as he strode out of the bar. He couldn’t help the little spring in his step.

Retreating into his office, he leaned back against the couch at the corner of the room with a soft, but pleased sigh, and allowed his eyes to shut for awhile. It was minutes later that there was a polite knock on the door before it opened.

“Life of the party, eh?”

Baekhyun poked an eye open, beaming at Minseok. “Party don’t start until I walk in.”

“Yeah, I can tell. It’s a freaking party in here.” Minseok deadpanned, “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Surprise me.”

“Yeah, I’ll get you a cup of water— that’ll be a real surprise.”

“Ha ha ha, why didn’t you ever become a comedian?”

“How could I ever compete with naturals like yourself?” Minseok snarked back, opening the alcohol cupboard with practiced ease, “Baileys? Wow, haven’t seen that in awhile. How do you feel about having some baileys tonight?”

“Why’re asking for my opinion if you’re already pouring it out?”

Minseok gave him a cat-like smile as he capped back the bottle. “Etiquette.”

Baekhyun scoffed as he scooted to the side of the couch, making space for Minseok to sit down. They were quiet for several moments, just sitting by each other without feeling a need to fill the silence with inane comments. It reminded Baekhyun of Chanyeol very briefly, the peaceful moments they once shared, but he knew well now that all of that was in the past.

“A little birdy told me that you finally told off Director Kim.”

“Ugh, where are you guys hearing all these rumours? I need to get myself into those circles.”

Minseok laughed, “No, you really don’t.”

“Yeah? Why not?”

“Too much politicking going on, you won’t last even a second in there.”

“Then how do you survive for so long in them?” Baekhyun smiled. Minseok smiled back, but without any feeling in it. Instead, Minseok put down his glass to pull his sleeve back, revealing the green bracelet that glimmered under the lights. It was the first time that Chanyeol had ever seen Minseok’s bracelet.

“I’m not like you, Baekhyun.” he sighed, tracing the edges of his bracelet with melancholy, “Greens have a lot more to lose than you. Most platinums lose a bit of pride, maybe, sometimes their reputation. Greens may risk their job, amongst other things. It’s a dog eat dog world out there.”

“Is that why you were so distant when we first met? Why you pretended to believe in the System?”

Minseok nodded sadly, “I didn’t know if I could trust you, no offense.”

“None taken.”

“It was just that I had seen my colleagues betrayed by the people they trusted, and it’s a scary, scary thing to see people leave one by one.”

Baekhyun didn’t say anything in reply to that. He took Minseok’s empty glass and poured the man another.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?”

Baekhyun pursed his lips, “Do you remember when you told me that you once loved someone? A long time ago?”

A pause, “Yeah?”

“Do you mind if I ask what happened?”

“You were always too curious for your own good, you know that?” Minseok murmured, shaking his head amusedly. Baekhyun shrugged casually, watching Minseok tilt his head back, laughter and smile fading into a measured, blank look. “Years ago, before I took the Exam, there was someone that I liked. I didn’t used to be like this when I was younger. I was a lot more panicky, more anxious about the future. But he—” inhale, “he was the unwavering pillar of support in my life. I never had any faith in myself, but he did. And all that time that I spent worrying about myself, he was right there by my side, offering me the shoulder to cry on, the listening ear no one else wanted to provide.”

Exhale.

“And after the results were out, all I wanted to do was to thank him. But I never saw him again, and it wasn’t until months later that I heard about his passing. Lost in a freak accident at work. I guess you already know what his colour was.”

“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun gasped, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Yeah, me neither. I thought that I could at least say a final goodbye to the person who helped me through so much, but it turned out that his body had already been cremated long before the news of his death reached me.” Minseok closed his eyes now, going back to the eternal memory frozen in time, “I heard from his family that they had scattered his ashes by the sea he grew up by. So I went there, and from the moment that I stepped onto that shore, it was like as if he was there. I felt like he was right next to me again. And I— I finally said goodbye. My final thank you to my first love.”

A stray tear rolled down Minseok’s cheek as he swallowed thickly.

“That’s why you helped me.”

Minseok smiled bitterly with his eyes still closed, “You were given the second chance I never got. I wanted you to have a different ending from me.”

“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun twiddled with his thumbs, “Seems like we both share quite a bit in common in that aspect.”

Minseok smiled grimly, sipping his drink. Baekhyun followed after him, emptying his glass.

“What was his name?” Baekhyun asked.

Minseok was quiet for a few moments, staring through the glass between his fingers. “Jongdae. His name was Kim Jongdae.”

Baekhyun gave Minseok a cheerless smile, “Now someone else remembers him too.”

Minseok’s eyes darted to Baekhyun’s face, observing— searching for something in his friend’s eyes. “What does that mean?”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun started, finding it difficult to say the name after a long time of burying it in his memory, “Chanyeol, he, um, told me once that remembering something is like keeping the memory of them alive. And I want to remember this wonderful person who made you happy, so that he won’t fade like everything else in this ephemeral world does.”

Minseok’s expression softened. “Tell me something, Baekhyun.”

“Yeah?”

“You were happy, weren’t you?”

Baekhyun hesitated. In the few seconds that he did, all the memories flitted through his mind. The happy moments, the quiet ones, the sad ones and the less pleasant ones. Like a video montage that sped through, like a forgotten, yellowing photograph picked up when one was clearing their belongings before moving out.

“Yeah, I was happy. I was really happy.” Baekhyun smiled lifelessly to himself. “You know, the funny thing was that Chanyeol, he, um, he said that I was like the moon in his life. But it’s funny cause I always thought that he was like the sun to me. He was always full of optimism despite all the things he had been through, trying to brighten my day. I lived in the light because there was the sun, but eventually I started to take his presence for granted. I let myself become too dependent on him that when he left, it felt like my world was shrouded in darkness again.”

“It’s funny, isn’t it? These people are like the sun in our world because they shine brightly on their own. They don’t need us to survive, their happiness is theirs alone. But even if the world belongs to us, the sun doesn’t belong to us. And we shouldn’t try to hold the sun down, because if we do, it’ll be like killing the independent sun, wouldn’t it? It’ll be like the flatline of a sun.”

As Minseok finished speaking, Baekhyun was suddenly sent back to the day that he took the Exam, to the moment that Chanyeol told him that they were never going to be truly free in the System. It now made sense to him, and he could understand with a sudden wave of clarity what he couldn’t so many months ago. It didn’t matter what colour they were, because they would always be chasing for something, always fearing that they would lose something. All along his freedom had only been a temporary illusion, and for all the grades and praises that he had, he couldn’t see the truth until it had fallen apart.

Baekhyun smiled grimly, holding his glass just a little bit tighter between his fingers. “Yeah, it’s a funny thing.”

Minseok reached his free arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug in solidarity of their shared pain, giving the shoulder a little squeeze at the end before he let go.

“Everything fades away with time, even pain.”

“Do you think we need to find a new sun?” Baekhyun asked lightly.

Minseok tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowing in thought. “No.” he spoke firmly, “We don’t need to find a new sun; we have many suns around us, we just need to stop thinking that there’s only one.”

 

 

The sun was setting again.

Baekhyun lifted a hand to cover his eyes as he strolled through the open space, holding onto his bag with his other hand. Work had ended relatively early for him today, and he decided to head home instead of joining the newcomers for a round of drinks after dinner— a lesson learnt that platinums always ended up paying for the meals. Not that he minded, he did have a lot of income, but it was more of the time he needed away from the crowd. Time to recharge, time to rest, time to put away the negativity and make space for the good that has yet to come.

As the wind blew playfully against him, it swept up the brown and dried leaves from the edges of the sidewalk. The leaves rustled noisily against the pavement as they were dragged along, colliding into each other in a messy choreography that only they could understand. Shadows began to stretch as they woke from their sleep, mingling with each other if they came close enough. People walked by briskly, huddled in their long coats with their heads bowed towards the ground, some people scrolling through their phones while others glared at those obstructing their way. And the sky—

The sky was a brilliant shade of red, like flames dancing across the surface of the sea. Like an explosion in slow motion, it was a messy ball of red and orange where the sky met the earth, with its flames licking into the cool blue that stretched for miles and miles beyond where Baekhyun could see. The fiery sky breathed life into the dying leaves hanging onto the trees, like the last burst of energy before their eventual demise.

Baekhyun smiled to himself as he tried to memorise the image, tried to paint it and immortalise it in his memory. The lazy sway of the line of trees, the chill that cut through his clothes, even the less than friendly looks he received from people rushing to get somewhere else.

And then.

And then.

The man standing at the front of the newly completed block of offices, looking down at his phone with a miniscule frown perched on his lips.

And then.

With his usually messy nest of hair now neatly combed to the side, with his usually tan skin now fairer than it has ever been.

And then.

Baekhyun held his breath, staring and staring and _staring_. As if looking longer and harder would confirm his suspicions, as if by the force of his will alone, the man would turn around with his crooked smile and eyes in half-moons. As if just by hoping against hope, against logic, against everything he had come to accept, time would once again rewind back to the first day that they met again.

Slowly, but surely, his feet began to move towards the man. The name hung at the tip of Baekhyun’s tongue, waiting for the right moment to fall out from his lips and into the open. After everything that had happened, Baekhyun had found him again. Everything could be as it was, they could try again and maybe even succeed this time.

And then.

_He did re-start his life for a reason, so maybe it’ll be better if everything was just left the way it is— in the past._

Baekhyun stopped walking, body going rigid. All at once, it was like his insides had been emptied. Everything he wanted to say or do was gone with just that memory. If he approached the man that used to be his friend, what would he think? Would he embrace Baekhyun like an old friend? Would he remember Baekhyun? Would the man he used to be like what he wanted to do?

Ultimately, it was the last thought that calmed the storm in his mind. If the man in front of him no longer remembered anything from the life he had before, then what right did Baekhyun have to come right back in and expect to have a reserved seat? Even if the man in front of him still remembered something, how could Baekhyun— knowing his old friend’s wishes— go ahead and introduce himself without disrespecting his friend?

The bright red was slowly being blown away by the blue, spreading and pouring, extinguishing the raging fire before it could show its full potential.

With a numbing cold slowly blanketing him from the inside, a small, private smile grew on Baekhyun’s lips. He let his eyes linger on the man for a second longer before he forced himself to walk away, without looking back even once.

The red had almost completely dissipated, leaving only thin steaks of yellow across the sky— traces of what had been, now gone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Something itched at the corner of his eye. With an exasperated breath, Chanyeol looked up from his phone, rubbing his eyes harshly with a finger. Just as he was looking around with the other open eye, there was a person walking away from him.

And, well, it was strange. There was something familiar in that set of shoulders, the way his hair flew as the wind jostled it, the steady gait of his footsteps.

Something oddly familiar.

Chanyeol tapped a finger to his chin, shifting his weight on the other foot as he tried to think about where he could have possibly met the man before. But the more he tried to chase the thought, the more it evaded him.

Maybe the man was somebody he knew once, a long time ago. But it probably didn’t matter now.

“Chanyeol!”

Chanyeol startled from his thoughts, looking over his shoulder immediately. “Jesus, Sehun. Nearly peed in my pants.”

“You say it like it never happened before.” Sehun pointed out, “Were you waiting long? What were you looking at?”

“No, I wasn’t. I was just— there was someone who looked familiar. I think I might have known him. But he’s gone now.”

Sehun waited for the moment to pass, “Shall we?”

Chanyeol tried to smile, but it came out forced and too much like a grimace instead. “Yeah.” he agreed softly, taking Sehun’s hand as they started away. Chanyeol looked back once, in the direction where the familiar figure disappeared, and found himself unable to shake off the feeling of a closing door, waving goodbye to a part of him he had left behind.)


End file.
